Not Without Effort

Our Branch has had the theme, "Not Without Effort" for the past month. During this time we were challenged to apply this to our lives. I on several occasions when doing various task had this cross my mind, not without effort. I was able to discuss it with friends from the branch and get their opinions on it, I read articles about it, I truly tried to apply it to my life. I thought it was a great way to look at life. Yesterday was the 5th Sunday meaning combined Relief Society/Priesthood and we were discussing this topic.
So I go to church and I'm sitting in Sacrament meeting. The speakers were both so good. The talks were great. But if the talks were so great why was I all of suddenly going crazy. I was sitting there thinking about our theme, not without effort, and I was actually becoming a little upset. I have been putting forth a lot of effort in my life and was feeling like I was not getting any return. The closing hymn was where can I turn for peace, a song I love so much that I blogged about it in May/June. This got me all emotional and while I don't mind emotional I do mind it at church. I go to teach my Sunday School lesson and I'm still trying to shake these feelings that I know I should not be having. Then we have our combined meeting and while this whole month I have been applying it, I'm still feeling not to happy. I was so frustrated. They then gave us a challenge. S.T.O.M.P, single's testing out Moroni's promise, they want us to read the entire Book of Mormon in the next 90 days. With the concept that miracles with happen within our own lives and within the branch as a unit.
I left with my check off list of the scriptures, got in my car and started on my drive home. I had a lot of thoughts going crazy in my head. I started thinking about all this effort I had already put in. I read my scriptures, I pray, I attend all my church meetings, I go to the temple on a regular basis and I feel as if most of the time I am a good person. So where are my miracles, where are these supposed blessings. Then it led me to think about the effort of dating. I went several years where I had no desire to get married thus I did not need to date. I have never seen a marriage in which I felt was worth it so why should I try. Then I realized it is a commandment and my patriarchal blessings states it is the most important thing I can do in this life, to get married in the temple. So I decided not long before my 27th birthday that I would no longer feel that way and that I would put a little effort into it, mostly meaning I would not say no, I would start going to the single's branch, etc. This was not easy for me. I was very comfortable in my life. So here I am putting forth all this "effort" and for what, a goal I may or may not want. But it's a commandment.
I know at this point I am sounding really negative but the more I thought about it the more I knew I was being selfish. I have some "return" on my efforts. And even if I don't get the blessings I feel I need, I am getting the blessings the Lord sees fit for me to have. S.T.O.M.P started today and I started my reading this morning. I don't know what to expect from this but I know that it will be good. I will continue to put forth the effort. Because this life is a test. And as all you know, I am very competitive and I like to score high.