Have a FEARLESS Heart!

"He is not perfect. She is not perfect. The question is whether or not they are perfect for each other."

Have you ever been hurt? Have you ever loved? Have you ever taken the risk to give in completely to another person? Have you ever jumped in with all you have? Do you have a fearless heart?
I have been hurt, I have hurt others, BUT I have LOVED, and I have been LOVED. Love is worth all the risk and the hurt. I'm not saying it's easy but I think we all have to take the chance and do it. We have to let each experience change us and we have to grow!
Put yourself out there in the beginning, put yourself out there in the middle, go all in, put your fearless heart into someone else's hands, and jump into what could be an amazing experience. All relationships end one of 2 ways, see how it works take the chance! Yes, you may get hurt (all except for one ends with someone getting hurt) but you might not. You might learn things you never thought imaginable, you may feel feelings that are beyond description, you might even love. And that in my opinion, is very worth it.
I generally have not done this. I am left wondering what would have happened if I would have given in completely. Not have been so guarded, so worried about the end result. But, I'm learning and that is what this is all about. Until I meet the right person, I'll keep looking. I'll try to have a fearless heart and I'll learn the lessons that are there to be taught. Along the way, I'm going to have fun living my life. So here I go, I will have a FEARLESS HEART!

I may have fallen in love

If any of you read yesterdays post I said at the end that I needed a sewing machine and a serger. I decided yesterday to start off by getting a serger so we headed to the store. We then talk me out of a serger. I've never really used one and it looked kinda hard. So I decided to get a sewing machine.
I was looking at one that was $150. I'm not that great at sewing and it would have been okay for what I wanted to use it for. I wanted to get Michael's opinion so he came over. He said I might as well get the nicer one because I would use it and it's nicer. So I ended up spending $400 and got a Brother Sewing and Embroidery Machine SE350. It's so pretty. Amy and I were excited to learn how to do the embroidery and figured it out pretty quickly. And we were able to make a few more bags!
I think I have fallen in love with my new "toy". I even had a dream about it last night. It's beautiful! And I'm going to ask for a serger for my Birthday/Christmas present. I am so excited to get to work. It's funny the older I get the more domestic I become. I love sewing, cooking, etc. So anyways, if anyone has any fun projects I can help. I'm always up for learning how to make new things!

Projects

I really love working on projects. I love learning how to make new things. It's been great having Amy here because she is always up for it too. And she was conveniently located in Jackson so we were close enough to get together and do it. We were planning, before she decided to move, that we would look recipes up and learn to make new things. Guess I'll have to learn all those new recipes alone :(. Mike wanted to make some delicious chow mein yesterday and he always wants me to learn. So we made dinner together last night. I'm going to really miss these things. I enjoy cooking with Mike. I wish I had someone to recreate all these recipes for. It's just not that fun to cook for yourself. Sadly, I believe I like to cook to impress people.

Anyways, Amy and I went to the store yesterday to get fabric to make me a bag but I ended up getting enough fabric to make one for all the kids. I thought the kids could use them as church bags. The airplane one is Seth's. It fits his scriptures great. We didn't make one for Will or Chloe. You really don't need a church bag until your old enough to walk. I thought they turned out really cute.

Amy also made me a super cute apron, since we were going to be doing all this cooking, and I've decided I'm going to make some of them too. I think the bags and aprons would both be great gifts. So all of you reading this be prepared to get one of the two sometime this year.

This brings me to the point where I have to say I need a sewing machine and a serger. I think I'm just going to go and buy them. Neither would be a waste of money. I will be using them for the rest of my life. It's just hard because I don't have a lot of storage space right now. Under my bed is full of kitchen stuff that I buy because I have to have it. Then I also have stuff in a corner of my room. I guess it might be time to get my own place again. The problem with that is, I might not have a job next year.

Anyways, I basically just wanted to show ya'll how cute the bags turned out. I'm going to finish mine tonight!

Becky, Becky, Becky

Today Becky turned 25! Wow Boo, you are getting old! If I was your age I would, oh never mind I've already been your age! I just wanted to write a little bit about Beck, she was my first roommate and one of my best friends.
Rebekah and I shared a room for as long as I could remember. Something that I know I've told her before is this story. In our room there is a window on 2 walls. We had 2 twin beds. One of the twin beds was between the 2 windows and one was on the other side of one of the windows. I was a very scared child so when I chose which bed would be mine, logic kicked it. I knew that if someone was to break into the house they could come through a window. I chose the bed that was beside one window only and put Becky in between the two. That meant she had a greater chance to be abducted than I did. I know, I was weird, what kind of child thinks these things. I was also afraid to sleep alone so she often slept in my bed. But since I was older and shouldn't have been scared I would make it look like I was doing her a favor. Sorry Beck, I would never do that now! We had lots of fun nights together and probably got into a lot of trouble for giggling late at night.
As we got older, I got too cool, and we didn't hang out as much. But regardless, I always knew I could count on Becky. In high school I took French my senior year, Becky was a freshman and took it too. We were in the same class and I really enjoyed it. We also worked together while in high school. I have so many fun memories with Beck.
She is a special girl and somewhat of a miracle. She was ran over when she was young. I should say her head was ran over twice. Because of this she was always a little spoiled but we love you anyways. I couldn't imagine life without you. Who else would I have put in between those two windows.
With this being said, we haven't always gotten along. We have had our disagreements! But we always recover from them. I have a lot of admiration for her. She went back to school and I don't know if I could start all over. I think about going back to school to become a Physician's Assistant but get overwhelmed by the thought. Becky, she just goes for it.
Becky, I love and appreciate you. I love the way you live your life. I know it's not always easy and along the way some of it just plain stinks, but you my dear sister are a survivor. I love the way you know and love the scriptures. You are so talented. I know you deserve the best life has to offer and guess what? I know you will get it!
So Beck, I know you feel old (you definitely aren't) I want you to know how much I love and appreciate you. You inspire me in so many ways. I know that your life isn't perfect but you live it so right. Love you little sister.

Reflections

I was sitting thinking about my past relationships. Some were absolutely wonderful while others were, to put it nicely, less than adequate.
There are so many emotions one goes through when falling in like or falling in love and unfortunately equally as many when ones heart is broken and/or healing. I am very blessed to have been able to experience each of these things. The ones that hurt in the end were worth every tear, all the pain and heartbreak.
I think it's so sad when people become jaded with love. Or they lose hope and believe it's not meant for them. NOT ME, NO WAY. I like meeting new people, trying new things, I like the weirdness at the beginning, the first time they hold my hand, anticipating the kiss, calling/texting all my girlfriends about him, getting excited when he calls, and I have hope there is someone out there who is enjoying life as much as I am, preparing to meet me. How about that. I'm putting it out there. Because I deserve the best and that is exactly what I plan to get. In return, I plan to be the best. And that is how I feel about that!

Conference talks, Just for Me

Amy and I were talking the other day and we started talking about faith. I said something like maybe I don't have enough faith, but I try. Later that night Michael during scripture and prayer pulled out President Monson's conference talk "Be of Good Cheer", Michael read some of it and this was part of it, "Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us. My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith. I declare that God lives and that He hears and answers our prayers. His Son, Jesus Christ, is our Savior and our Redeemer. Heaven’s blessings await us."
Heavenly Father is very aware of his children. He knew I needed to hear this and Michael shared it with me. I love this. It inspired me to read some of the other conference talks from this past session. They were more for me than I realized at the time. Here are a few excerpts,
Henry B. Eyring:
"In this education we experience misery and happiness, sickness and health, the sadness from sin and the joy of forgiveness. That forgiveness can come only through the infinite Atonement of the Savior, which He worked out through pain we could not bear and which we can only faintly comprehend. It will comfort us when we must wait in distress for the Savior’s promised relief that He knows, from experience, how to heal and help us. He set a course for each of us that can polish and perfect us to be with Him."
Allan F. Packer:
"When the winds blow and the rains pour, they blow and pour on all. Those who have built their foundations on bedrock rather than sand survive the storms. (This is Sandra, I love this, it rains on the righteous as well as the wicked.) "
Jeffrey R. Holland (always one of my favorites):
"Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said, “I will not leave you comfortless. [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].”"
Those are a few that really touched me. I love these men. I love that we have the gospel. We are so lucky to know that modern day revelation is real. I'm thankful for the knowledge that I have been given. I need to share it more, be more bold! Because I know the happiness it brings to my life and I want everyone to be able to experience this. That doesn't mean that I don't think that life is hard and can really stink. But I do know, I can do it. That I have a loving Heavenly Father and a Savior that understand all the pain and trials I must go through. I hope I am learning my lessons in life.

Books and Cake

So I got a little book happy recently and went a little crazy. I love to read but for some reason I haven't been getting through books as quickly. I'm trying not to skim as much. I have read one or two of these before but I really don't remember them very well so I thought I would reread them. If anyone wants to borrow one, let me know. That's 12 book! Guess I don't have to worry about running out of things to do this summer. About a month ago, I told Amy I wanted to learn how to make cakes with fondant. I think they look so nice and polished. I searched for fondant recipes that would be both easy and tasty. I went with a marshmallow based fondant. Our first attempt didn't really work but this is our second attempt. We had lots of fun doing this together. This is kinda later at night. I had just got done going for a jog when we decided to finish it up. I've decided I always look rough when we decide to take pictures. It's always after a workout.

I'm going to miss these nights with Amy. I've decided since she's lived here most nights it's like I'm having a sleepover with one of my girlfriends.

This was definitely a fun project to work on. I know that we can only get better at this. When she was in Idaho I went to Hobby Lobby and picked up all sorts of fondant decor cutters. I got every shape they had and of course a cake leveler. I bought nice cake pans, etc. I can't wait until I get my very own kitchen. That is what I look forward to the most, a nice kitchen. I plan to spend plenty of time in it when I do.

A little close of a picture!

And sorry for all the recent post. The more stressed I become the more I write. Writing is very therapeutic for me. So I apologize but at least this time I put pictures with it.

Just for Funsies

It's way better than finishing that report that is actually due!
Ten things I wish I could say to 10 different people (This is hard because I usually say what I want to at the time. And these are all for different people, there are no doubles, though some may be applicable for several.)
10. Really?!?!?!?! I still don't understand. But okay!
9. You are the last person I want to talk to about this. I still feel the same way so stop acting like it never happen.
8. Let's pretend like we are not grown-ups, move far away, work mediocre jobs and pretend that we are teenagers. Yes, this is a good idea.
7. I want to but can't, I am suppose to be here in TN for whatever reason. But I'd rather be there with you.
6. I want you to be happy but I want me to be happy more. Yes this is selfish and the reason its never been said out loud. But, you do deserve the best in life and I know you will get it.
5. If you would stop thinking of yourself and how you feel, you might understand how others feel. The universe does not revolve around you.
4. Why make your own mistakes if you can learn from others. Seriously, learn from everyone elses and stop being a screw up.
3. Please stay in my past. I'm glad that you think I'm cool enough to keep in touch with but you were meant to stay years ago. I don't want your emails, etc.
2. How can you say you understand if you have never been in the same circumstances.
1. Stop complaining that your so busy with your children or that they are driving you crazy. You are so blessed to have them. You should love being a mother. Yes it's hard, but you get to do it. You have that choice. And if you do want to complain, please don't call me. Because it just aggitates me. And especially don't say that I'm so lucky because all I have to do is go to work each day. You've never been here so stop!

Nine things about myself
9. I am going to be 28 in less than 60 days. I usually love birthdays but I'm not excited about this one. I will be spending it Utah/Idaho. I'm sure I will be with the Mendez's and Mike, Amy, their family, Becky and Charity.
8. I have 10 books stacked on my bed side table waiting for me to read them. I have no idea where my time goes but I need to get started on these books. I am trying to finish 2 up before I start any others.
7. I never thought I would live back in TN yet this was where I was suppose to come. Strange how that happens. I'm pretty sure I will not live here for the rest of my life. Who knows where I'll end up. Hopefully somewhere not so humid.
6. I consider my family among the most important things to me. They are my favorite people ever. Just chilling with them makes me happy. But at the same time, I feel even when/if we live far apart we will still be close. Hello, telephones, airplanes, etc.
5. I love peanut butter. It's one of my favorite things to eat. Not crunchy but creamy peanut butter goodness. I like it in my candy, on my pancakes, with jam, with honey and straight off the spoon. Even though I have this extreme love for it, I don't eat it that often. So when I do, it's even better.
4. I want to be able to travel but I'm too scared to go alone. There are so many places that I want to go and see. I wonder if I will ever really go. And strangely enough, if I never do get to, I will be okay. It's one of those things. You really want to but if you can't you'll survive.
3. Most guys I have dated or that I have been attracted to are musically inclined. When I was probably around 17 I said that I wanted to marry a guy who played the piano. I'm still unsure why that is so attractive to me but it is. Sadly, I am not musically inclined.
2. When I was 21 I really wanted to serve a mission but it wasn't right. Sometimes when life gets overwhelming, I still consider it. Then I remind myself that it would not take away any of the overwhelmingness and that would be the wrong reason to serve anyways.
1. I believe that no matter how tough life is, we have to continue to smile and be happy. It is called the plan of Happiness for a reason. And yes, it's tough to smile sometimes, but we will be better people because of it. So when life is really throwing it's curve balls, I try to stay busy, smile, and just be happy. I fail at this sometimes but the point is I'm trying.

Eight ways to win my heart
8. Get along with my family
7. Smile
6. Play the piano
5. Be a worthy priesthood holder
4. Be nice to everyone, but still treat me special
3. Be Honest
2. Be Incredibly smart and witty
1. Be Ambitious

Seven things that cross my mind a lot
7. Why does life have to be so hard
6. Why do things not work out
5. What will I be doing in the future
4. Will I get married
3. What can I do to be a better person
2. Just keep smiling!
1. Life works out the way it's suppose to as long as I am doing my part

Six things I do before I fall asleep
6. Brush my teeth
5. Shower
4. Read
3. Pray
2. Check my cell phone
1. Toss and turn

Five people who mean a lot
5. My ENTIRE Family
4. All my childhood friends who I am still friends with (Lindsay, Candice, Laura, etc)
3. My friends here in the Jackson Ward
2. The people in my Branch, some more than others!
1. The people in my past who have made me who I am today

Four things you are wearing right now
4. Scrub bottoms
3. A T-shirt
2. Tennis Shoes
1. Ponytail

Three songs you listen to often
3. You're Gone- Ashley Arrison
2. Anyways- Martina McBride
1. Someday you will be Loved- Death Cab for Cuties

Two things you want to do before you die
2. Get married in the Temple
1. Have children. I want at least 3 but preferably 5.

One confession
1. I have no secrets of my own, but I am filled with other peoples! No worries, I don't like to tell.

Better than I think I am

Okay, so I guess I need to apologize to everyone for being a little overly emotional/dramatic this past week. I do know my worth and that my Heavenly Father loves me. 

I know that I said I felt as if I wasn't good enough for Ben but the only reason I was feeling that way was because he had just broke up with me. While he is an incredibly talented, great, awesome person, I am equally talented, great and awesome. I was just feeling a little down and we all know when this happens Satan takes fast hold of the situation and makes us feel worse about ourselves. So in conclusion to this I guess I can say that both Ben and I are incredible people. So there. And I feel as if I can think this, everyone else can to. There are no sides to choose, because in reality, Ben and I are on the same side (I just got a little more hurt along the way.) All relationships end one of 2 ways and I just feel lucky that he was willing to take that 50% chance with me.

This does not mean that I'm not still sad, because I am. When you are the one that doesn't get the choice in the relationship, it is sad. And you even doubt who you are and your worth. But, I'm pretty good at being a survivor. I'm sure there are lessons to be learned and I'm praying to know what they are. The book, "Better than you think you are" has been amazing. One quote that I have loved  is, "We are not good judges of ourselves as we reach for goals that may belong to another season of our lives." This has been comforting! 

I'm planning on writing about my weekend tomorrow, so stay tuned! And thanks again for being so kind, loving and supportive of me. I feel like a goof getting all emotional and I'm trying hard not to but this to shall pass. 

I have decided what I want to be

After years of trying to figure out what I want to be in life I have made a decision. This came after much research and thought. Are you ready for this.......I want to be a Vulcan!!!! (Of course I still want to be a wife and mother, this doesn't take away from that, but how cool would this be. I still have priorities people, regardless of what you may or may not have heard about me.)

I'm sure in the past I have seen an episode of Star Trek but really don't remember any of them. Of course I knew who Spock was but didn't really know anything about him except he had those ears. But now that I have seen the movie, and yes, it's not your parents StarTrek, I want to be a Vulcan.

Vulcans are noted for their attempt to live by reason and logic with no interference from emotion. I loved it. I like reason and logic a lot anyways. I pride myself in being a logical person but I'm also a very emotional person. They run deeply, I'm not sure if it's just because I'm a girl or if I am a naturally emotional person. As I have noted before in the past few years I have gotten better with my emotions. I can control them fairly easily. I don't become angry quickly, I don't yell, I rarely cry, and I have been able to turn things that suck into things that aren't that bad. (So this week may have been the exception to the crying thing but I'm done with it now!?!)

May the force be with you! Just kidding I totally know that's Star Wars. Live Long and Prosper!

Mowing, Fishing, and Life in General

Well, my life is somewhat sad/stressed recently. And I'm not just referring to Ben. I'm referring to the fact that 2 of my best friends in Jackson are moving away within a very short period. Amy is leaving me by the end of the month. I know she's family, so she has to keep in touch but I love her so much. And of course I'm going to miss the whole family. I've always looked up to Mike and the kids, well they are the cutest, kindest, most precious kids ever. I am very partial to my neices and nephews.
Then Nina, who I love dearly is moving to Boston with her family. She has been such a good friend. On Monday she had to cancel our walk, we do this after work each day, and that night she brought over ice cream (like I need ice cream), movies, chocolate, and a great book. That is a good friend for you. She has 2 kids, a husband, and still took the time to drive 35 minutes for me. She's not family, but I'm sure we will keep in touch anyways.
And ofcourse I'm still sad about my stupid shoe on Sunday and other such things that life throws at you. But I've decided if I act like I am happy, people will believe that I am happy and in return in the process I will believe it too. Once I believe it, it becomes reality. I'm pretty sure I read this about confidence on another person's blog. Confidence begets confidence and it's true with happiness too.
Well this has not been about fishing or mowing at all. I just have a lot to say I guess. Yesterday after my walk with Nina I went to mom and dad's where I decided I would mow for a while. I really really really love mowing. I usually mow with my Ipod in but Michael has it right now so lately I have been able to just be lost in my thoughts. Maybe a bit dangerous but mostly good. Because I am truly blessed. I am reading a book right now (thanks Nina) called Better than you think you are. I only started it Monday but it's a great book and has already had a positive impact on me.
While I was mowing Michael and Amy planted flowers at mom and dads. That is what I wanted to give mom for mothers day. They look great. I'm glad they got done yesterday. Anyways, they finished that at around the same time I finished mowing. I was mostly ready for a shower but they convinced me to go fishing with them. I thought I would go and watch but in the end I fished too. I got to use Sydney's barbie fishing pole. Everyone fished with the exception of daddy who just baited the hooks for us and watched. It was a lot of fun! Sydney caught the first fish of the night. I may have caught the smallest (but did catch a larger one later). It was relaxing and reminded me how good life truly is. The pictures are rough. I did just mow for an hour. That's the way Michael rode back to the house. So funny. It's also funny how Sydney loves worms. I don't even touch them but she has no problem picking them up. Makes me laugh. And like I said, no judging on how rough anyone in the pictures look. Seriously, I had mowed the yard, no make-up. Whatev. This is my life. And I enjoy it most of the time. Too bad Michael and his family are moving. :(
Oh, one more thing. One of my biggest fears is a snake being in my toilet, me not knowing, and it biting my bum. Before I sit down I always look down to make sure there is no snake. I know it's a little weird but still. Guess what, it happened to some one. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090511/od_nm/us_snake_odd;_ylt=As_74ILOG_ogypZoZgVpD33tiBIF

Bring on the Rain

In life when it rains it pours, lucky for me I have an umbrella! Yesterday was what you would call a day that just plain sucked! It started off with me getting to church early, I try to do this every Sunday to go over my lesson one more time, and when I walked in the door the strap to a pair of my favorite shoes broke. I had to leave to go to Nae's to get another pair of shoes. On my way there I get pulled over but after holding up my shoe and crying the officer had some mercy and let me go. While stopped at a red light one of those men why sell newspapers on the side of the road knocked on my window and scared me half to death. Then on my way back to the church a prostitute walked out in front of me and did some crazy provocative movement then winked at me. Yes, the day was starting off just bad.

To back track a little. This past week while Ben was in Denver I had a very uneasy feeling. I rarely talked to him and when I did I felt as if it was really guarded. But nonetheless, I was so excited for him to get back to TN. I knew he wasn't excited, but I so was. Anyways, when I picked him up from the airport things were a little strange but we all have off nights. That night he treated me more as a friend but like I said we all have off nights. I actually figured he was going to break up with me by the end of the night. He didn't and I felt as if I was being over analytical and too much a girl.

I've already said the way my Sunday started. He still sat with me at church and once again I felt as if the night before I was just being a little crazy and off. I was so wrong! After church I get a phone call and long story short, he broke up with me! So yea, it sucks but you can't change it so whatev. He apologized for hurting me and all I was sorry about was that I let myself care so much. I've always been better at keeping myself more guarded and finally decided to open up only to be hurt. I still feel as if he is one of the best guys I know. He has so many good qualities that I appreciate. I have nothing bad to say about him. I'm not mad or upset with him, only with myself for not being able to be what he wanted/needed. When I asked him why, because I feel as if I need to know, he said something to the effect because we are so different. Strangely some of those differences are what made me like him so much. It came with little warning but you can't make someone feel the way you want them to. And I really still want to be his friend, because even if I can't have him in my life the way I want, I want him in my life. I wanted to call him like umpteen times last night, not because he broke up with me, because I care about what he has to say about situations. I had to remind myself that he's the one that caused this one and really couldn't give me any answers.

I guess I should say I'm lucky to have been able to have the experience. Isn't that what life is all about. I'll be more careful the next time around. It's strange after my last relationship ended I promised myself I would be more careful and I was. I said I wouldn't date again until I found someone incredible and I didn't date again until I found that. I thought I went about it all right, yet in the end it just makes it hurt worse. It sucks when you find out you are not good enough for someone.

Anyways, like I said, I'm lucky to have had the experience!

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."--Mother Teresa

I love love love it!

What in the world could I be talking about that I love love love. Hmmmm, should I leave you all guessing or should I just say it? Kidding, because it's no big deal but I love life.

I need to let everyone know what I'm grateful for, because I am one blessed chica!

1. My incredible family. They drive me crazy sometimes and don't always agree with me but I love them to pieces! I know you all think that your families are the best but mine seriously wins!

2. The gospel. I've been thinking about how lucky I am lately to have this in my life and that I was able to be sealed to my family at such a young age. I love how it's called the Plan of Happiness. We are suppose to be happy and this makes me happy! I love that I have the knowledge that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me. What a great blessing. I won't go on but I am truly grateful for this. I also love the priesthood. It was not too long ago that my father was able to give me a blessing. It is so amazing! I love love love it.

3. Friends, old and new. I have friends that I have been friends with as long as I can remember, how many people actually have these friends. I also have new friends in my life. I am not sure if these people are here permanently or just seasonally but I'm grateful they are here for now. I love that sometimes people are put in our lives at just the right time and they stay until you learn from each other and then they move on. This is sometimes sad but as long as we are learning.

4. Education. I love that I have had the opportunity to pursue an education. It was some of those seasonal people from #3 that encouraged me to do graduate school and to them I will forever be grateful. I love that I have my graduate degree and if I want to go back to school I totally can.

5. That I am debt free. I don't know a lot of people who can say this. This was very important to me and I worked hard to pay off my school loans quickly and also to pay cash for my car. I'm glad that I found a job soon after I graduated college so that I could pay it all off.

6. Modern technology. I can talk to my friends/family even though they are so very far from me with just a phone call. How awesome is that. We also have awesome transportation etc. Way convenient!

I think that too often we get so caught up in our lives that we forget to be thankful. I have a book that I write in of things that I am grateful for at different points in life. It includes specific people, events, etc. So when you are start feeling down just write down everything you are grateful for. It will for sure make you smile and reflect on the good that is in your life.

*Just to say, I'm glad that Saturday is almost here. That is something to be grateful for. Ben comes back from Colorado and I am super happy to see him. It's amazing how much you can miss people!

Stumbling on a blog

Sometimes when I should be working but I get distracted I start to blog hop! I know I shouldn't but I love to read about other peoples lives. There are some peoples blogs that I read so regularly that if I ever met them in person I would feel like we are already friends. I don't know if anyone else does this but I do and I happened upon this one. I really enjoy it and the guy who wrote it has a lot of great post. Anyways, I wanted to share it with each of you. It was exactly what I needed to read today! Oh and before we get to it, I also stumbled on some peoples that just went hiking in Zion's National Park at Angels Landing. I'm adding it to my bucket list. I want to hike it. So if anyone is interested let me know!
I don't know how many of you have read "The Currant Bush" by Hugh B. Brown, but I read it recently and it really touched my heart. You can find the whole thing on the church's website and you can look up "The Currant Bush" by Hugh B. Brown in the Jan. 1973 New Era on page 14. Anyways, in the article, he talks about how he was pruning the currant bush and he thought he saw tears coming from it and said, "What are you crying about?" You know, I thought I heard that currant bush talk. And I thought I heard it say this: "How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. I was almost as big as the shade tree and the fruit tree that are inside the fence, and now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me, because I didn't make what I should have made. How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here." That's what I thought I heard the currant bush say, and I thought it so much that I answered. I said, "Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn't intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and some day, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down, for caring enough about me to hurt me. Thank you, Mr. Gardener.'"
I just feel like as things have been going in my life recently, "The Gardener" has been telling me that I'm not supposed to be a shade tree or something else, but that He knows what He's making me into and that I just need to have patience and not resist what He's making me into. I know like it says above that someday when I am laden with fruit, I will say, "Thank you Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down (humble me), for caring enough about me to hurt me. Thank you Mr. Gardener."

Laura's Wedding Weekend

I'll be quite honest, I use to think weddings were way overrated and when thinking of mine I would imagine eloping (in the temple) somewhere and skipping all the festivities. I changed my mind! I want it all. But this isn't about me, this is about me getting to go to one of my best friends wedding, Laura.

Laura and I have known each other since we were teenagers and I can't imagine me and her not being friends. We roomed together our freshman year of college and then again when we went to Weber State. We have had a lot of good times together and a few not so great. It's crazy that she got married because she was more anti-marriage then anyone I had ever met. She wasn't the type of girl to swoon over any guy and living near her always rubbed off on me. But she would still listen to my girly swooning when needed! She is seriously the friend everyone needs and deserves.

She met her husband this past January at church while he was trying to hit on the girl sitting next to her. But I guess he couldn't resist her wittiness and charm because just 4 months later they were married. When she called to tell me she was dating someone and in the same phone call said she loved him and that she was going to marry this boy I was shocked. She never really liked girls like that and she became one. And she knew it.

I arrived in Spokane, Wa, Thursday night after a long day of traveling! Laura picked me up and we drove to her parents house in Coeur d'alene, Id. (For the record this part of the US is gorgeous and I loved loved loved it!) I was so tired that night but still stayed up until way to late in the night talking to Laura, we had a lot to talk about. It's funny how I talk to her just about every week on the phone but because I hadn't seen her since last July we had so much to say.

Friday we ran errands for the wedding. I didn't care what we did as long as I was with Laura. That was my only job the entire time that I was there, to stay with Laura. If she needed to vent, I listened, whatever she needed, I was there. In my book, she was right about everything! That evening Rick came over to eat with the family. I loved him, instantly. He is such an easy going guy. We sat around and talked for a while and I was so excited Laura found such a great guy. Around midnight Charity arrived at the Calkins home. Yay, my baby sister!

Saturday (the big day), we woke up and went to get Laura's hair done. Me and Charity went with her. Laura hated it and we immediately rushed home, washed her hair, and Charity redid it for her. I gave Laura a little foot massage during this to try to calm the stress. I'm telling you I was there to make her happy. She left for the temple and Charity and I frantically got ready to go, I was planning on pulling my hair back but there was no time. We went to the temple where I was able to see Laura and Rick sealed. It was so beautiful and I actually cried. I cried a lot this weekend. I was so happy for her! *As a side note, for some reason when I'm around Laura I am a lot more emotional of a person. When we lived together I would cry during every movie. Then when I moved to TN I stopped being so emotional. Laura never believed me when I said I didn't cry any more. Maybe she still doesn't because when we get back together I become emotional again. In my defense I wasn't emotional when we met in NYC, DC, or Seattle.*

We went to the luncheon after the wedding and then Laura, Charity, and I went to the mall! That's right, Laura left and went to the mall. We had some stuff to pick up. I love her for this. She is such an awesome girl. We found what we needed and headed back to the church. We redid hair and make-up, more pictures, then the reception. We did some dancing, ate some food, and had a great time. Rick even came over and sat with me a few times and chatted. I love this guy. He makes me laugh. For the record, I do not have a crush on Laura's husband, I am just saying he is perfect for her! And if she is one of my BFFs then I need to love her husband! During the bouquet toss I lost my footing and fell. I have some major carpet burn on my knee. Charity caught be bouquet which is perfectly appropiate since she will be the next one married. Unless, Becky pulls a Laura on us! Go Beck Go.

Anyways, the weekend exhausted me but it was well worth it. I loved being able to share in this with Laura. She is a beautiful person inside and out and deserves the best life has to offer.