Disney on Ice

I love Disney on Ice and I'm so glad that I got to go again this year. It's always a great time and you are never to old to love Disney. I got teary eyed once because I realized I'm not a kid anymore but man do I love kid stuff. Minnie, Mickey. Donald and Goofy. The pictures didn't turn out very good because they were moving too fast on their iceskates.
Tink, my favorite. She is so sassy.

The Little Mermaid. This was my favorite perfomance. It was so good.

Cars, I still have not even seen the movie.

And our very own set of Princesses. With the exception of Aubree's friend Elle, She was more into cars so wouldn't wear a princess dress. Aren't my nieces (Tink and Belle) the cutest two kids you've seen. I love this girls.

An Abundance of Gratitude

This past week I have been feeling an abundance of gratitude for the things in my life. For a while I had become so sidetracked with my life not working the way I wanted it to that I forgot to remember the really important things. I was too busy playing the whoa unto Sandra card that I didn't take time to ask for my Saviors help.
I have been blessed more than most. I have a family that I get to spend eternity with if we keep the commandments. They are incredible people who bless me in so many ways. I love the innocence of my nieces and nephews, the way they love me and their great dispositions. This past week I had a meeting in Memphis on Thursday so I drove up Wednesday night. I went to dinner at Renee's and hung out for a while. I was able to stay for scripture and prayer. I love to hear children pray. Ginny was praying and she is very good at asking for individual blessings for each person such as please help Aubree get smiley faces at school (for her daily conduct, sometimes this is an issue), etc. Since I was there she included me. She said and please help Sandra, and I wondered what she was going to say for me, to be able to get married and have a husband. I love that even my 7 yr old niece is involved in my life.
I'm also grateful that I have a career. Last year I wasn't very busy at work and became bored often. This is not the problem this year. I have been really busy at work and I am grateful for it. I am feeling, after 2 years, more a part of the school. I know a lot of people struggling right now with job issues so I can't complain. I have a decent income and I enjoy my work.
I have been feeling overwhelming gratitude for my Savior. He truly loves me and has atoned for me so that I can return to live with my Father in Heaven. This is so incredible. I love the peace I am able to feel when I turn my life over to Him and ask for help.
I know that I can credit this STOMP challenge in part to this gratitude that I have. I know that I said I am doing it because I want my miracle in the end. But maybe the miracle is already occurring. Maybe I am becoming my own miracle. I am learning to love me, I am learning to understand a little more about what I am suppose to be doing, I am becoming a better person.
I have let go of so many feelings of hurt and sorrow that were mostly being caused by my own selfish pride. I am learning that I can do it with my Saviors help. I have a better understanding of the scriptures.
All the challenges in life are the refiners fire. I know I have so much more to endure. But if I can remember to lay it on the alter and alter my behavior in the process I am going to be happy and I'm going to make it through this life just fine.
I apologize for my blog not being overly interesting. I guess things are only interesting when there is drama and that is something that I am trying to stay away from. I'm super excited that this weekend is General Conference. I can't wait to hear the messages that are prepared for us. I hope I leave my heart open to accept the messages for me and also open to the will of my Heavenly Father. Because lets be honest, I've been trying to do it Sandra's way and look where it has gotten me, I know He will do a much better job.

Be Jealous, Be Very Jealous

That's right, you should all be jealous of ME right now. Because I am booked to go on a Western Caribbean Cruise this coming up February. Oh the joy! Well all you can be jealous of me with the exception of Amy, my sister-in-law, because she is coming with me.

I didn't think that it was all going to work out but it is and it is going to be beautiful. I hope she is already as excited as I am. Because as soon as I got the okay from work to have that week off I started researching my trip! I'll give you all a few of the details so you can be even more jealous and wish that you were me.

The name of the ship we will be sailing on is Freedom of the Sea. It's huge, I mean huge! It has qrock-climbing wall with eleven routes and a central spire you can swing around; a FlowRider surf park at sea; cantilevered whirlpools that extend 12 feet beyond the sides of the ship; the H20 Zone waterpark, complete with interactive sculpture fountains, ground geysers and a cascading waterfall, an ice skating rink, miniature golf and all this is on top of the normal entertainment you get from a cruise.

And of course the food, there is so much food. There is of course the buffet and also the regular dining area, then there is a Johnny Rockets 50's style cafe, a pizzeria and a Ben and Jerry's. I just hope I have time to fit in all the things I want to do while on board. Because there are also lots of really fun Ports.

Our itinerary is as followed, Port Canaveral, Florida; Labadee, Haiti; Ocho Rios, Jamaica; George Town, Grand Cayman; Cozumel, Mexico; Port Canaveral, Florida. Wow, I will be doing no sleeping because I will be too busy trying to fit it all it.

A bit OF UNDERSTANDING

In life I love those little ah hah moments! Those moments where you start to understand something whether it be secular or spiritual. You want to share this knowledge with everyone and most of the time they look at you like, really you are just figuring this out but whatever because it's become clear. Some lessons we learn over and over again and that's okay too.

This past week I was struggling with my own personal demons and this particular demon just happened to be my self worth. I was feeling mostly sad, a little broken and let down. So what did I do to fix this. I did a lot of praying, a lot of soul searching, and went to the temple repeatedly. I wasn't going to just sit there and feel bad about life I was going to get out there and find my solution.

And I did, and yes I will forget this one day and have to relearn this lesson but today I can see clearly.

This came to me as I was reading my patriarchal blessing. There is a statement in there that says, "Satan has a stronghold on the hearts of many and he has a strong desire to claim your soul....". What?!?!, yes I've read it a least one hundred times but this hit me, HARD. Because usually when I think of Satan I think of the big things, the "BIG" sins. But no, we don't even have to be at that point all he has to do is make us forget our own divine nature. Heavenly Father would never condone me saying things to myself that are bringing me down but Satan, he's good and smooth and sneaky. He waits to I have a bit of failure in my life and then he moves in. He makes me think that it didn't work out because I wasn't smart enough, pretty enough, cool enough etc. And I can choose NOT to let him do this. When these feelings start creeping in my mind, I can choose to remember that I am a daughter of a kind loving Heavenly Father that gives me trials and experiences so that I can learn from them!

I have a lot of friends right now that can't find jobs, are having a hard time with dating, that things just don't seem to be working out for. A lot of these people are some of the greatest people so I too wonder why "its" not working out for them. But it will work if they/I will keep having faith; we will be just fine.

Stake Conference really focused on faith yesterday and I needed it. I've been working on my faith lately so it came at a really good time for me. I appreciated the reminder that faith and doubt can not coexist. I can have one or the other and I'm choosing faith today. Faith builds, doubt destroys.

Thanks everyone for supporting me even through my craziness. I am just trying to learn my life lessons. If it were all up to me I would not be learning them in the manner that has been given to me but I don't choose that. WHAT I DO GET TO CHOOSE IS HOW I RESPOND TO THE SITUATION. I pray that I can have the faith to overcome my own weaknesses. I know that Heavenly Father does not forget us and I know he knows the righteous desires of our hearts. And when the right time comes we will receive these.

We all suffer through the pains of broken hearts, the disappointments of jobs lost or not found, the inadequencies that are made apparent daily but we are good. And since we are all faced with this in life we can learn from it. Anciently Paul wrote that our suffering may give us an opportunity to know the Savior better. Paul wrote to the Romans:
“The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:
“And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.”

And the prophet Joseph Smith was told while in Liberty Jail, "Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."

I'm here for the experience!

I am good! I am blessed! And I am strong!

The temple is a place I love. I love to go there. I love the spirit that is felt. I love my few minutes of absolute relief that I feel when I am there. No matter how down I may be at the time I fell great comfort in the temple.
I was able to go to the temple last night with my mom and two other sisters from the Jackson Ward. Two ladies from my branch were also there. I love it. Yesterday was an insane busy day for me, I had so much to do at work. Then to drive to Memphis I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I knew I was going to be tired by the time I got home to Jackson, it was 11pm (I know that is not too late but still) and also knew that I had to do my scripture reading for the day for my STOMP challenge. When I got home I pulled out my Book of Mormon and my reading list to see what I was suppose to read for the day only to see that I was a day ahead! How did this happen, I have no idea, I've felt behind since we started. I was grateful for this so I only read one chapter. That 15 minutes is a lot easier when you are tired compared to the hour or more it has been taking me. I'm trying hard to let the scriptures speak to me.
I have no reason in my life to feel so down and since I know that is Satan I want to only feel good. So I am going to feel good. I know before I said that I didn't know if I could keep faking it but guess what, I can and will. Because faking it is better than giving into the negative. Because I know a few things about myself that others don't realize! I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. I do deserve all that has been promised to the faithful saints. And I can endure to the end. My favorite scripture is Mosiah 2:41 and it says, " And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it".
I can do that. I can hold out faithful to the end regardless of what life throws at me. And another scripture I just discovered this week, 2 Nephi 9:18 "But, behold, the righteous, the saints of the Holy One of Israel, they who have believed in the Holy One of Israel, they who have endured the crosses of the world, and despised the shame of it, they shall inherit the kingdom of God, which was prepared for them from the foundation of the world, and their joy shall be full forever."
I love this, those who have endured the crosses of the world. I need to be better at enduring my own personal "crosses". I also need to remember that I can turn to the Lord and he will help me through it all.
Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea “Is there no balm in Gilead?” We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.- President Monson
I'm good! I am happy! I am blessed! And I am Strong!
The temple is a place of comfort and love. I am so thankful that I live close enough to go and partake of this. And I know if keep living worthy of these covenants that have been made I will be blessed.

Down? Me, Maybe. It's a possibility!

I think we are really hard on ourselves. I hear people say we are our own biggest critic but why can't we be our own biggest fan? I am definitely very self critical. I can find my faults faster than anyone. I know some of you think that I'm a very confident person and I can be but mostly this is a facade. I fake confidence and to be quite honest I'm a bit tired at this point so I don't know if I can keep it up.
I often say to myself, and sometimes out loud, so this is life? And yes I answer myself, yep this is it, and then proceed to give my self that little pep talk that I need at the moment. I always say, life is good, except for when it's not.
There are a lot of areas I can improve on. I need to be a better person! I'm working on it. But I can only do so much and I've just been feeling down. I know that all this self doubt is from Satan and is one of his biggest tools. He's constantly trying to make us feel inadequate and right now it's working. I was told yesterday at church that I looked empty. Then they quickly came back with, you always look happy and are smiling but your eyes look empty, like something is missing. And something is missing and I don't know how to fix it.
During my, little why do I feel inadequate, thoughts I realize that one thing I'm constantly down on myself for is my looks. I know I'm a pretty smart person and I'm living a righteous lifestyle but I just can't seem to like the way I look. I hate my size, my freckles, my smile, and other things. I feel like I'm healthy. I don't eat tons, I exercise, I make healthy decisions and yet I'm still fat. Yep, I said it, I feel fat! I don't want to be one those people obsessed with it but I kinda am. I read labels like it's no ones business. If I eat something I know I shouldn't I feel so guilty.
Why do we have such unhealthy relationships with our bodies? I partially blame men. Like last night I was at my friend Julie's apartment. Julie is a small girl, super thin. But her and her friend Morgan (a guy) were talking and they were talking about arm flab and then he was telling her she needs to gain a few pounds around her stomach/waist which could be taken away from her inner thighs?!?! I was thinking about this on the way home and I was like really, here I was sitting there probably weighing close to twice Julies weight and well, once again I realized I fall short. I've always had really thin friends. Candice and Lindsay are both thin. Then my current friends, Ernie and Julie and both thin.
So I've had this discussion with both Candice and my friend Laura. Laura use to be bigger but got sick and lost a lot of weight. I mean a lot, like 10+ sizes. It wasn't a healthy way to do it and she would gladly be big again instead of sick but still she's now thin. Laura got married this year. And it lead me to an even firmer conviction that men are shallow and weight matters a lot. Would Laura have gotten married if she was still fat? I know Candice and Laura both say it doesn't matter but maybe that's easy to say when you are a size 2. I will never be a size 2, ever and I don't want to be.
Anyways, I'm rambling, again. With this being said I have been really blessed in my life and I am very aware of this. I have had the gospel my entire life! I've been sealed to my family; and can't wait to spend eternity with them. I have pretty good health. I have a job that I enjoy and that pays enough to get me by. My friends are better than most people's and I have an abundance of them. So yes I am aware of my blessings.
I'm hoping with my STOMP, Sandra Taking On Moroni's Promise, I get this "miracle" that was promised. And I'm not looking for something huge. It's not like I think Mr. Hot, Rich, Successful will walk through the door and we will fall madly in love (though I'll take that too) but maybe my miracle will be peace and comfort. I'll take that!

Ramblings from the Middle of the Night

Guess I'm having a bit of insomnia and I really should go work it out or something instead of writing this. But writing is therapeutic for me.
I've been feeling a bit blah lately and I'm not really sure I know what the problem is. I kinda know what the problem is but I am just a little confused right now. Are you ever really happy for other people but at the same time sad for yourself.
This past weekend I went with my good friend Julie to Missouri to celebrate her grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. That is a big accomplishment and while I saw them out there dancing I was really happy, like I wanted to cry because it was so cute but then I started thinking about my own happy ever after.
I've been listening to a lot of music lately which I always find very therapeutic. Some of my favorites are actually the songs here on my blog. I guess music truly can help heal a person. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I've had a lot on my mind recently. I feel like I've lost a great friend recently and it has me a bit sad. And I'm not even sure why we aren't really friends. I guess we all get to choose in life who we are friends with and I guess you both have to choose to be friends with each other. Oh well, I know I should say, their loss but it's a loss for both of us.
I have a lot more I can say but since I am feeling like I have no filter right now I should stop. I'll write something sensible next week when I get back to my office. I think that is a good idea. I should try to get some sleep since I have to wake up early tomorrow. Oh the joys!

A few pics from Charity's Wedding

This is one of my favorites. It's all the bridesmaids and the nieces. So Cute!
Charity and that boy she decided to marry, Robert.

Yea that's right. We are working it for the camera! Beck, Me, Charity, Megan, and Morgan

Chloe for real loved Josh. She wouldn't even come to me. This picture makes me laugh. Chloe looks so freakin cute. Love that kid.

My Kind of Fun

I found a comic that I am in love with because this girl likes the same activities as I do! Kidding, well kinda kidding, okay, I'm not kidding at all. Don't judge! Not to mention I am currently DONE with men/boys/guys/whatever you want to call them.