Frustrations from Misunderstandings

I'm sure Renee will be frustrated that I blogged about this but I feel the need to get it out. A few months ago Renee' and I got into a disagreement about a few things. It came down to I thought she was attacking a very important aspect of my life. During this she said that she felt I would come over late at night, sleep, then get up and leave when I was awake. And she told me that she would rather me not do this. Not to just come to sleep at her house. I did not perceive that I was doing this. I felt like I spent a lot of time at Nae's. It was even my spring break week and I had spent several days with her. So I left and since then I rarely stay the night at her house. I generally just stay at James' because I felt Renee' didn't really want me to "just" sleep there.

Anyways, today I went shopping with Renee' and it was a pretty good day. Things since the above mentioned day haven't been the same but we still enjoy each others company, most of the time. While shopping I was getting a little antsy but still not unpleasant. On the way home Ginny said to me, something about how Renee told her the reason I never stay the night anymore was because I didn't want/like Ginny sleeping with me. I said, that's not true, the reason I don't stay the night any more was from the conversation we had months early.

By the end of the trip Renee had told me I was selfish, didn't have my priorities straight, told her kids the reason they couldn't stay and play was because we were not getting along and that Sandra did not like their family (then looked at me and said she could say whatever she wants, they are her kids), and something to the effect that it was because I didn't have kids of own.

For everyone who knows me the thing I want most in this life is to be a mother. I have little control over that aspect of my life now. She called me and even admitted that she said that just to be hurtful. She also said she could say more but wouldn't because it would hurt me. My thing is if it had to do with Ben then she might as well say it. I can't be anymore hurt by that situation. What could she say, I told you so or see he didn't care for you as much as you did him? I had heard that from her before.

Unfortunately, I'm over it. I'm done. Because quite honestly I can't keep up with it. I'm sad that I hurt her, though I can't think of anything that I said that was meant to be hurtful. I even tried to drop it a few times. But it seems that the same conversation was being hashed again. It sucked the first time and the second time wasn't any more fun. Instead of hearing how the guy I liked didn't like me as much, I got the whole your jealous because you don't have kids. Ouch! Anyways, Renee is a great person and has been a great friend. I don't necessarily understand what's going on in our relationship but as is life.