So I happen to be the worst decision maker in the whole entire universe. I seriously hate it. The fact that my favorite color changes weekly says something about my decision making skills. I've decided I am happy being in the Jackson Ward. While I don't know if I "fit" in at least I know there are a few people there that I know love me unconditionally. I have my parents and the mothers of my two best friends. I'm a lucky girl.
I've been back at work this week and I am incredibly grateful to have a job! I'm so blessed with employment right now. I have been looking at jobs other places but I really love life here. I had a dream last night that I moved to NYC and Candice got married immediately after and I was left alone in the city. By the way, her dress was awesome in my dream, so detailed.
I had a crazy spell Monday night and since I have been doing much better. I am feeling very content with life as of now. I need to get better at reading my scriptures again and my temple attendance. I plan to go this Friday night. There is something so soothing about temple attendance.
I'm trying to decide if I am going back to school for the right reasons. I know in my life it won't matter either way. I am really happy with my career now and I am sure I will be happy a career as a nurse practitioner. I consider myself successful now. I just hate the dreaded questions of what are you doing life, who are you dating, etc etc? For a while I think I was going back to school just to avoid the questions. Because if you say you are back in school people are impressed.
I think most of the time we are all just trying to have a meaningful life. Trying to make some kind of difference in this earthly journey. Some do it through motherhood, some through scientific discovery, others through entertainment. So we each try to decide what piece of the puzzle are we. Are we a corner piece, a piece of the outer perimeters or are we one of those that get lost in the middle. Regardless, the puzzle isn't complete if our piece isn't there.
And maybe I've been trying to be the wrong piece for too long. I'm figuring life out, SLOWLY.
There will always be a few constants in my life, my family, my friends, and the role the gospel plays in my life.
I can so frustrated sometimes, even mad. Why doesn't Heavenly Father bless me the way I want. Why do good things happen to bad people, and bad things to the good? (The good stuff to the bad irk me the worst) I had a conversation earlier this week and I said something to the effect, I understand the atonement and forgiveness but I get so tired of seeing people who had the gospel, decided to leave it to "live" in the world, then return get the blessings I want. I was told by a friend in much more eloquent words than this that the difference between me and these "people" is infinitely less than the difference in me and the Savior. Good point.
I'm going to be a better person. I'm going to figure me out, and I'll probably need help along the way. I need to learn to be happy for people, truly happy for them. Jealousy is not a reason not to be happy for people! Jealousy is a form of greed and I am trying to let it go. Be patient with me. Renee, I will probably still get mad at you way too often during your pregnancy! But I'm trying.
I said I had no New Years resolutions, I just changed my mind (I do it all the time)! I'm going to learn to be happy for others regardless of their or my own circumstances.
3 comments:
Good goal. I don't think I could do it.
ummmmmm...I do not need to be patient with you, I think you are good to me. Good outlook on things and I understand partly your frustration when people live in the world, come back, get pity, and all good things. Worst part is some of them exploit it often.
so are you going back to school or what? are you still going to take night classes? and what did my dress look like?
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