Frustration

So for some of you who I have talked to recently you know I've had a bit of a hard time. These damn pregnancy hormones are a lot to deal with. I've had a hard time coming to terms that my body did not work to birth my son. That something so natural did not come so natural to me. But more than that, I've also had a really hard time breastfeeding. As in I don't produce enough milk for a baby mouse to eat. It has been really hard on me and it just about broke my heart the first time I had to supplement with a bottle. I might have sat on the floor and cried for 2 hours straight! And everytime I've given him a bottle since my feelings are really hurt. I still make him breastfeed before I give him a bottle. I think that hurts his feelings. He sucks then looks up at me like, can I have the bottle now.
We have tried all the herbal supplements, talked to lactation consultants, we try to pump and so far nothing has helped. I know people will say, you still had a baby but I still have felt a little lacking. Like I said hormones, they are getting much better. When one of my friends had a csection she had a hard time with it and all I could think was she still had a baby. But now I understand.
Elijah has been an absolute joy, that is after I stopped starving him and started giving him a bottle to supplement. We are looking forward to daddy (Brent), being done with exams. Then he can play with us more.