My not so fairytale story

Every girl dreams of growing up and living a fairy tale life. In the mind of every five year old, she truly believes she will grow up, become a princess, have beautiful flowing hair, wear amazing ball gowns, speak squirrel/have forest animal friends, meet a handsome prince (not to mention usually silent-have you ever noticed this? coincidence? I think not. I am convinced half of my relationships would have lasted much longer if he'd just kept his mouth shut more often-except, of course, when singing about how much he adores me), live in a mansion, and live happily ever after.

But my life has not exactly turned out that way. I do have flowing hair, on the days I don't pull it into a ponytail, but I don't talk to chipmunks, wear ball gowns (I don't even have a good style), and I definitely haven't met this handsome prince. I think the likely hood of me talking to a chipmunk is higher than me meeting a great guy who likes me.

But I was just reading my friend Ernestine's blog and I really enjoyed it. She said, "I'm constantly fighting between the wills of where I want to be in life and where the Lord would have me to be. Or better yet, fighting to hold my tongue when people comment on where they think you should be in life as opposed to believing that this IS where the Lord would have you to be.......All the while still dressing old scars and gaining new ones, some from others, some self imposed. Tossing between the thoughts of "why me" and "why not me"".

I feel this battle really strongly right now. I feel so overwhelmed and defeated right now.

I wonder why Heavenly Father gives to some and not to others. Why some people have their prayers answered the way they want and others go through this life just hoping, having faith, to know that they will receive these blessings some day. I really enjoyed President Dieter F. Uchtdorf CES fireside this past Sunday. I was unable to watch it on Sunday but watched it Monday and it was so good. There were points that brought be lots of joy and other moments that actually made me sad. I do know that I am a daughter of Deity. That doesn't mean that I don't feel bad about myself, I have been having a very hard time loving me lately. I have been more discouraged lately than I have been in the past. But I am living my life the way I'm suppose to. I am trying hard to keep the commandments. And I am trying even harder to know Heavenly Father's will for me and want to be able to accept it. I get tired of hearing how these trials are to my benefit, etc. I know this but that doesn't mean that it is any easier.