I am horrible at dieting. I suck at it. I can't do it. I have no will power. I want to eat that cookie or whatever it is that my body tells me it wants. I want it then and I want lots of it, whatever it is. And then I have some and I feel horrible so I eat even more of it.For example, yesterday I ate like crap. I had some oatmeal squares for breakfast, that's not too bad, then I had peanut butter as a snack, then I had chicken strips for lunch, then I had some candy, then I went to taco bell with my mom. Then I decided when I got home I would eat some of my candy that I had stashed away. But did I eat just a little bit, nope I finished the entire bag. Then I felt so guilty I could just cry. But I had already screwed up so I went searching for something else that could damage my heart and add to my waist line.
So I wake up today thinking I am resolved not to fall into the same rut from yesterday. So I make eggs for breakfast. Then I get to work and eat peanut butter, I gotta get rid of that peanut butter, then I eat a protein bar then I eat tuna and crackers and now I'm thinking about what else I can put into my mouth.
I get so discouraged from trying to loose weight. I'm not even completely sure I know why I want to loose the weight. I keep thinking that once I do my life will be magically better. That whatever it is that I am looking for will just magically appear if I drop 30 pounds. I don't know why it is so important to me. Would it even matter. I'm a bit frustrated now and a lot discouraged. I want to not be me right now. I mostly don't feel very pretty and think I would like me more if I were thinner.
4 comments:
I understand. I indulge in junk food. I love the 10 minutes I am able to spend with a chocolate milk shake. However, the 5 hours I spend beating myself afterwords isn't worth it. Yet, I continue to do so.
One things I always love about is you understand body issues of women. when i complain about wanting to loose weight or when I was in TN you would encourage me instead of saying I wish I was your size stop complaining. You are inspiring to me even if you don't feel like. Indulge yourself and move on (easier said than done I know) I think a lot of times our bodies read are minds better than our intentions. It hangs on to the weight when we are trying just because it can. You can do it I know you can!! Now get out there and be the healthy girl I know you are!!
I think everyone goes through this phase. I too love junk food. I remember buying a bag of hershey's kisses for a party. I decided to have just one ahead of time before everyone arrived. But then I had two, then three, and before I knew it the whole bag was gone! Being pregnant helped because I knew I would be hurting my baby if I didn't eat right. You have the opportunity now to develop those healthy habits now so you'll be ready to have a healthy pregnancy in the future! Also, something that I learned that has helped in this area overall is that if I stop focusing on my body - like what eating junk will make me look like, feeling fat, etc., and start focusing on my spirit - like recognizing how gross my spirit feels instead, then it is easier for me to have more self-control the next time around. Satan wants us to focus on our bodies, but when we watch out for our spirits first, that's when we'll be happy. When I did this I was eventually able to put healthy habits in place of the bad ones. You are a very healthy person. Moderation in what you eat (not being Nazi about it) and consistency in exercise will lead to a lifetime of healthy happiness! :)
Ahhhh...those are all skinny girls, I feel your pain but admire your desire and activness to do it.
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