When I was 7 I couldn't wait to turn 8. I was so excited to get baptized. Then I wanted to turn 10, I would finally be a double digit. But that wasn't good enough either. I waited to turn 12 so I could get out of primary and go to young women's. Then I needed to be 14 to go to the youth dances. I could hardly wait. That day came and the day that it did I was ready to be 16 so I could drive. You guessed it, then I wanted to be 18 so I could go off to college.
I guess each phase in our lives we are anxiously waiting for the next phase to start only to either wish we could go back or fast forward. I had a goal that I shared with you all at the beginning of the year. I did not accomplish this goal but I did learn a few things along the way. I guess I'll just have to keep waiting for that next stage to come along.
A job from DC called and I am going to have a phone interview with them on the 28th of this month. Well really we are just going to discuss the job and see if it is something I would even be interested in. Strange timing since I already decided to go back to school. But I will at least check it out. I'm not sure if I'd be strong enough to venture out on my own. The thought of it terrifies me. I'm not feeling very fearless right now.
I'm sitting here waiting for the next phase but maybe I'm not even sure what that is. Is it just a new job path, is it marriage and a family. I'm not sure. I've spent so much of my life wanting a family that I feel a little worn down by it. I think it would be easier just to not want it. So that is my new goal. To NOT WANT what I've always wanted. This way I can't be disappointed when I turn 29 and I'm still in the same phase as 27. Or when I turn 33 and I'm still trying to figure it all out.
3 comments:
Life is hard. The hardest thing is that our timing isn't always Heavenly Father's timing. I think when we look back, we'll be grateful our lives have worked out the way they have. Hindsight is better than foresight. Plus, you're a great girl so I know you have amazing things in store for you!
You are so elegant with words. Job in DC, not that I want you to leave but I have no doubt that if you decided to that you could do it. You are a pretty strong and not just strong willed woman. That seems like a hard goal to NOT WANT what you have always wanted. Suck!! I know this does not help but I am glad you are in my family and my sister. I am also glad you are so in with my kids. Love you
DC, huh? Wow. Like I said in the letter, whatever path you decide to take, you WILL succeed.
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