Bring on the Rain

In life when it rains it pours, lucky for me I have an umbrella! Yesterday was what you would call a day that just plain sucked! It started off with me getting to church early, I try to do this every Sunday to go over my lesson one more time, and when I walked in the door the strap to a pair of my favorite shoes broke. I had to leave to go to Nae's to get another pair of shoes. On my way there I get pulled over but after holding up my shoe and crying the officer had some mercy and let me go. While stopped at a red light one of those men why sell newspapers on the side of the road knocked on my window and scared me half to death. Then on my way back to the church a prostitute walked out in front of me and did some crazy provocative movement then winked at me. Yes, the day was starting off just bad.

To back track a little. This past week while Ben was in Denver I had a very uneasy feeling. I rarely talked to him and when I did I felt as if it was really guarded. But nonetheless, I was so excited for him to get back to TN. I knew he wasn't excited, but I so was. Anyways, when I picked him up from the airport things were a little strange but we all have off nights. That night he treated me more as a friend but like I said we all have off nights. I actually figured he was going to break up with me by the end of the night. He didn't and I felt as if I was being over analytical and too much a girl.

I've already said the way my Sunday started. He still sat with me at church and once again I felt as if the night before I was just being a little crazy and off. I was so wrong! After church I get a phone call and long story short, he broke up with me! So yea, it sucks but you can't change it so whatev. He apologized for hurting me and all I was sorry about was that I let myself care so much. I've always been better at keeping myself more guarded and finally decided to open up only to be hurt. I still feel as if he is one of the best guys I know. He has so many good qualities that I appreciate. I have nothing bad to say about him. I'm not mad or upset with him, only with myself for not being able to be what he wanted/needed. When I asked him why, because I feel as if I need to know, he said something to the effect because we are so different. Strangely some of those differences are what made me like him so much. It came with little warning but you can't make someone feel the way you want them to. And I really still want to be his friend, because even if I can't have him in my life the way I want, I want him in my life. I wanted to call him like umpteen times last night, not because he broke up with me, because I care about what he has to say about situations. I had to remind myself that he's the one that caused this one and really couldn't give me any answers.

I guess I should say I'm lucky to have been able to have the experience. Isn't that what life is all about. I'll be more careful the next time around. It's strange after my last relationship ended I promised myself I would be more careful and I was. I said I wouldn't date again until I found someone incredible and I didn't date again until I found that. I thought I went about it all right, yet in the end it just makes it hurt worse. It sucks when you find out you are not good enough for someone.

Anyways, like I said, I'm lucky to have had the experience!

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."--Mother Teresa