Happy Birthday Elijah, Love mimi and grandpa

Happy 5^th Birthday, Elijah!

It’s really hard for Grandpa and me to believe that you are 5 years old now!  You have added a lot of joy to our lives over the past 5 years.  We have felt blessed this year that we have seen you 3 different times.  Soon after your 4^th birthday, your family packed up and flew out to California for Christmas.  We were very excited for you to come.

You arrived on December 23, 2015 and helped us decorate a little Christmas tree.  Christmas Eve was so fun.  You baked cookies with Aunt Julie to leave out for Santa.  You met your California cousins, Hana, Fiore, and Blume Boatman along with their dog, Buddy.  All 6 of you, kids dressed up to act out the Christmas story.  You played Joseph and did such a great job. Christmas morning you discovered that Santa had left you a Millennium Falcon from Star Wars.  You were pretty excited.  You loved all the presents you got.  But you really giggled when you gave me a funny present…a Fart Blaster!  What?

You were able to stay a week at Christmas and we had fun.  We sang Christmas carols, made a Gingerbread house, and played Pie Face. You did not want to play because you might get whip cream in the face! We went out to our friends’ house at Stout Farms and you and Maddie got to ride horses. You loved it!  We also went to Auburn to visit Grandma and Grandpa Adamson.  You helped them pick lemons from their tree.  You also got to go see Star Wars at the theater while Mimi babysat Maddie and Nolan. Uncle Bryant gave you some lessons on shooting his 22 rifle and you hit the target! You loved to take walks with Grandpa through the orchards. Before we knew it, it was New Year’s Eve.  You helped us celebrate with a fun dinner and New Year’s Eve toasts!  Then it was time for bed and you flew home to Tennessee the next day.

We loved skyping with you and your family each Sunday during the year but we were very excited when you drove out to California in July to visit us for 2 weeks.  We packed a lot of fun into that visit.  We had campfires and made s’mores.  We had a barbecue and fireworks for the 4^th of July. We went to the Ward barbecue where you got to ride horses again and play games and swim. We celebrated Mimi’s birthday, your Mommy’s birthday, and Nolan’s birthday! We went to the beach and Uncle Bryant helped you boogie board for the first time. I loved reading books to you as well as playing games, painting treasure maps, being detectives and solving mysteries.

After you went to Boise, Idaho to visit your Eaton cousins, we met up with you in Provo, Utah for your cousin Kasette’s baby blessing on July 24, 2016.  We especially enjoyed going to Temple Square with you and your family.  You really enjoyed learning about the pioneers. You have always been a boy who likes to learn about the gospel.  You loved sitting and looking at the statue of Jesus in the Visitor’s Center. Before we knew it, we were kissing and hugging you good bye again as you headed on home to Tennessee.  Along the way home, you got to visit Mt. Rushmore, Winter’s Quarters, and Nauvoo.  You loved it all.

Your Mimi retired from teaching school so Grandpa and I were able to drive to Tennessee to visit you during your school break in October. It was fun to spend a week with you.  We had a campfire and made s’mores (we really like that, don’t we?).  We gathered acorns and watched you on your trampoline.  You rode your bikes and ran around the yard like crazy! I loved going to your Karate class and watching you learn from your Sensei.

Our most fun time I think was at the Safari Park.  We fed those crazy animals!  It was kind of scary when those ostriches put their big heads in the window to try to steal more food!  Remember when the camel grabbed the bucket of food right out of Grandpa’s hands and gulped all of the food right down? We were also kind of brave and fed carrots to the giraffe.  Yuck! He licked my fingers!  Ha ha!

We loved going out to dinner so we could have some of those famous Chips and Cheese that you kids all love!  But we really had a great time at your Nana and Poppa’s house.  They had dinner for us and then Poppa gave us all a hayride through his fields.  That was super fun!  We loved seeing your school and your classroom but we hated saying goodbye again.  We live too far away from each other.

You are a wonderful boy, Elijah!  You are silly sometimes but I love your imagination.  I love that you are learning the gospel and singing Primary songs.  I’m glad that you have friends and cousins to play with.  We love your hugs and kisses.  You have brought so much happiness to Grandpa and me.

Have a very Happy 5^th Birthday! 

May the Force be with you!

                                                                                                    

 Love,

Mimi & Grandpa Adamson

Nov. 30, 2016

Happy Birthday Elijah

I am constantly in awe that I was blessed to your mom. It's hard to believe it's been 5 years since your daddy handed you to me and I was officially a mom. You have brought me more joy than I ever imagined. You've also caused more frustration than I ever thought possible from such a small person. Lately, you've been such a little stink! You have a smart mouth and love to aggravate. I'm going to be honest in these letters each year. I won't lie and pretend you're always an angel. With that being said, you do have some very sweet qualities. You still ask me to cuddle you and to hold you. You say the sweetest things. A couple months ago we had the misfortune to lose a baby in my tummy. I was so sad and you were too. You finally looked at me and said, I know why our baby had to die. Then you said because it wanted to wait and come with our other baby next time. I like hearing your logic. And when I was the saddest, you tried so hard to cheer me up. I love that about you!
You go to school everyday and you really love your teacher, Ms. Kim. She is so nice and you say pretty. You've made some really good friends too. Madelynn goes 2x a week with you. I love that you take care of her at school. On her first day she started crying at lunch so you went and said, there there, you are okay. School is fun. Ms. Kim said you always help Madelynn when she is sad. I imagine you'll always be a good big brother and protect all your younger siblings. We also bring home a little boy in your class 3 days a week who has down syndrome. You are so good with him and gentle. So while you are a stink, you are a tender little stink.
I love you so much Elijah. I couldn't imagine my world without you. You bring so much happiness to my world. You are so smart and ask a billion questions. Sometimes I don't know the answer to them but we look them up together. I've loved watching you grow and learn the past few years, I look forward to watching you learn and grow the rest of my life.
Heavenly Father knew to send you first because you are the best big brother in the world. He knew that you would forgive me for all the mommy mistakes I make. He knew you would patiently help me to navigate mother.
Always know that I am here for you. No matter what, I am your mother. I want what is best for you. I will fight silent battles with you. And I will fight the loud ones too.  I will be by your side. Your father and I take it seriously that we are to teach you all you need to know on the earth to return to your Heavenly Father. I want us to be an eternal family. You won't always like the lessons you have to learn. I hate to say it, but life is hard and has a lot of setbacks. But we are here to help you overcome all of them. We are here to push, or pull you, forward when you need it. And I know you'll do the same for us. And when you are sad, I'll dry your tears the same way you've recently dried mine.
I wish words could convey love. Because I love you so big.
Love your mommy.

According to you:
You currently want to be an army man.
Your favorite color is red and green.
Your favorite show is star wars.
Your favorite game is operation
Your favorite toy is darth vader bear.
Your favorite boy is star wars rebel.
You are really good at running
Your best friend is Elise.
You want to vacation to England.
Favorite ice cream is chocolate.
Your wish is to fly.
Your hero is superman.
Your favorite thing to do with your friends is to play pirates.
Your favorite holiday is Christmas.
Your favorite person in the whole world is mommy.
Your favorite TV show is Star Wars Clone wars.
Your favorite song is A Long time Ago (I know that my Savior loves me). 
 If you had $1000 you would be a star wars bike.

Sad day

Brent and I have been planning baby # 4 since last winter. We decided this summer/fall we would start trying for another little person. I decided this time I would have my body in better shape. I'd start taking all the prenatal vitamins 6 months in advance. I lost the weight from the previous 3 pregnancies, I started working out regularly. I was ready for this! I had figured if I had a May baby I would have all my kids birthdays spaced 3 months apart during the year. I was sad when it came and it went that I wouldn't have my May baby. Then I got the positive test and it would be June 3rd. And since I have c-sections, it'd be born the end of May. 

It felt pretty unreal when the test came back positive. I was a little skeptical and even more excited. When I told Brent, I said it with caution and said, though it may not work out. Then a week passed and I was still pregnant and felt better about it. Then a few weeks passed and I was confident in this baby. I was picking names and mentally decorating the nursery. 

Brent's parents came to visit and while they were here we were getting together with all my family. We thought we may let the families know that day, that day is today. But today we shared different news, not joyful news. 

I made the best pregnancy announcements ever. I had them in my online basket at Walmart to pick up in one hour  Thursday afternoon. Then I went to the bathroom. Bright red blood was streaked in my pants. It wasn't a huge amount so I decided not to worry about it. Then I went back to the bathroom and there was more. I texted Brent and went about my afternoon. My inlaws are here and I'm in the business of making visits enjoyable. But my heart was worried. I wanted this baby so bad. 

My dr's office was closed so I decided to wait and call in the morning. If it was a miscarriage there isn't anything to do at this point.  I slept anxiously waking up every few hours and going to the bathroom. 

Brent told his parents what was going on since I'd be going to the dr in jackson the next morning. I called and they said instead of coming in I should just go to the ER. I thought how ridiculous. I just want it confirmed so I can go be sad in my own bed. They didn't have an ultrasound tech in the office that day. I debated whether to go but decided I would. I went in and the 1st thing they did was try to listen to a heartbeat with a Doppler. There was no sound, at least not a baby heart beat. I feel the tears pooling but don't cry. The nurse assures me it's just too early to hear with a Doppler. They say they need a urine sample, then they come and take 4 vials of blood. Then I wait. It's freezing and the nurse brings me heated blankets. But for 1.5 hours I'm alone in my thoughts. They check in once and say the ultrasound shouldn't be too much longer but then I'm alone again. Brent had offered to leave the office, he had almost insisted on it but what could he do at this point. I told him to stay. 

The ultrasound tech finally comes to get me. They try a regular ultrasound and again I'm assured that at this early in pregnancy, 7 weeks, that it's normal not to see anything so they do a transvaginal ultrasound. I lay there completely uncomfortable and can't believe this is all happening. There were 2 techs in the room and they go get a 3rd. They finish up and I go back to my room. It was all perfect timing because as I waited for the dr to come tell me the inevitable, brent arrives. 

The dr comes in and says the baby is implanted in my tube close to my right ovary. And that he needed to call the oncall OB to see how to proceed. So I'm processing at this time that I have an eptopic pregnancy and start searching madly online if there is any chance this could be okay. I knew there wasn't but I had one last little bit of hope. When the dr came back in he said the recommendation for now was to get a shot of methotrexate to abort the baby. They say it's good it's caught early. If I wait it could burst inside my Fallopian tube and cause internal bleeding. I could have to have surgery, I could get seriously sick. I'm grateful brent is sitting beside me the entire time. We proceed and say yes to the shots. We wait a while longer and the nurse comes in. She talks for a second before putting a shot in both hips that should make me not pregnant anymore. 

I know there should be no guilt, but there is. And while I'm sad, I'm a survivor. The cramps are pretty horrible and will get worse as the baby detaches itself from the tube. I have to continue to go to the dr to have my HCG levels checked. If they don't decrease appropriately I'll get another round of shots. 

I was up a few hours last night reading everything I could about eptopic pregnancy. I'm over 35 which makes the risk higher. 

Did you know that once you've had one eptopic pregnancy you are at greater risk to have another and have to be monitored from early pregnancy. You can have a harder time getting pregnant after an eptopic pregnancy. That's right. It decreases for whatever reason.  

As I lay here in the bath, that's correct I'm writing this from my warm bath that helps the cramps some, I'm trying to look at this scientifically. I'm trying to leave my heart out of it. I've read so many other women's stories, and I've thought oh poor so and so. But I knew in my heart it'd never be me. And if was me, I'd know that it was a malfunction and it's no big deal. And now that it is me, I don't know how I feel. I know our bodies are amazing. With miscarriage it's generally because of a chromosome issue. I know it's doing what's best for us. 

I honestly wanted the dr to tell me this baby still had a chance. That if I did XY&Z I would be bringing this kid home the last of May all snuggled in my arms. Life doesn't work out like that. 

Brent gave me a blessing last night. It reminded me I had to be grateful for what I have. I am grateful. I love being a mommy. I love it so much that I'm excited to add more kids to our family. And I also know it's okay to mourn this baby that I wanted so bad. We'll wait the appropriate amount of time before trying again. I'm not sure how much time that is. I haven't got to talk to my OB yet. Dr google says that after taking methotrexate you have to wait 3 months or if I have to get a 2nd round next week, we'll have to wait 6 months. Then there is the research about how long to wait after an eptopic, many say 6 months. I'm anxious to hear what my dr says. 

I guess it goes to show, no matter how much planning you do, life just happens. Sometimes it happens beautifully and sometimes it's messy. But it's still life and it's worth every bad to understand the good. So while today I'm cramping and sad and bleeding, I'm also so incredibly thankful for all I have. I'll mourn the chubby cheeks and 10 little toes. I'll think of the little boy or little girl that I had so imagined and planned for. But I'll also remember the 6 sweet cheeks that I have tucked into their beds. I'll count their sweet chubby fingers. I'll be happy and I'll be sad. I'll just be for now. 

Dear Nolan, Mommy loves you!

Dear Nolan,

It's hard to believe another year has passed and you are 2 years old! Wow is all I can say. You are such a fun little boy. You have brought so much joy into our family and we all love you so much. You are quite the character. You claim to be a daddy's boy but you only want mommy. You currently love the show paw patrol. Mimi introduced it to you this summer and now we have the action figures, dvd's, plush toys, and books. It's the 1st show you've shown interest in. Your favorite foods are fruit snacks, Nutella and popcorn chicken. But in all honesty, you will eat just about anything. 

We have just started potty training you and so far you have really impressed us. If you go "potty" you get some Nutella and apparently Nutella is a strong motivator. 

You don't realize you're younger than Elijah and Madelynn. You keep up with them well. Elijah started pre-k full time this month and you love playing with Madelynn. You two play so well together. Then this week Madelynn started pre-k 2x a week. You haven't liked that as much and you ask for her all the time. I think the 1st day we just starred at each other until nap time then went to pick them up. You were so excited to see them! I love your cute personality. You make me laugh every day. 

It's hard to imagine you not in our family and I'm glad I don't have to. I'm so grateful Heavenly Father sent you when he did. It wasn't easy having 3 little ones but the joy has been immeasurable! I love listening to you pray! After prayer we often times out are hands in and say 1,2,3 Adamson's!  You love it and initiate it most of the time. 

You love playing with Star Wars and already know more about it all then mommy does! You love when daddy wears the Darth Vader mask and calls himself Darth Daddy. You like to wear it too.  You also love to play with cars. You have such a big imagination. You flew through the kitchen like superman. 

As a mother it's hard to adequately explain how much you love your children. But I love you big. The day you were born I knew you were special. And I know without a doubt you'll go on to do incredible things. You'll bring joy to so many people. Always remember what is most important. It's easy to get sidetracked at times. Keep the course. I love you. I am proud of you. I love being your mom. I love watching you learn and grow. You are truly sunshine on a cloudy day. 
Love your mommy!

Dear Nolan Love Mimi and Grandpa

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Grandpa, Mimi, and Bryant all wish you the very happiest of birthdays!  We can’t believe you are ONLY turning 2 because you try so hard to keep up with Elijah and Madelynn and you do a good job.  J But we love what an energetic and happy 2 year old you are. You often bring a smile to our faces.

         We were so excited when we discovered that you and your family were going to spend Christmas 2015 with us in California.  This would be your first time to do that.  You had grown so much since summer when you couldn’t even walk.  Now you were walking and running everywhere!  In fact, one of your favorite things to do was take a walk with Grandpa through the orchards.

Christmas was very fun.  Santa found all of you kids here at our house.  I think he loved the cookies and milk you left for him.  You loved the Star Wars light saber we gave you for Christmas.  Christmas morning was magical as we all exchanged presents.  You got to meet some more family members as your cousins, Hana, Fiore, and Blume Boatman came over with their mom and dad.  All 6 of you children had a blast playing together and sharing each other’s new toys.  You especially liked it when Aunt Ale gave you a full body massage.  We had never seen you be so still and quiet!

One thing you discovered on this trip to our house was our refrigerator covered in magnets.  You loved playing with them and rearranging them!  Even after you left, we found magnets in all kinds of funny places.

A few days after Christmas we went out to Stout Farm to ride their horse Roscoe.  You were a little too small to try it but you did like petting him and watching Elijah and Maddie take turns riding him.

We were so happy that we were able to go to Auburn, CA so you could visit Grandpa and Grandma Adamson.  They were delighted to see you and you helped pick lemons off their tree.  You liked walking and running up and down their hill.

We all stayed up late to celebrate New Year’s Eve at our house.  We had party hats and horns and we toasted the New Year with light-up glasses of sparkling apple cider.  Even then, you thought you were one of the big kids!

We had to wait until summer to see you again in person. But we always enjoyed seeing your antics when we skyped each week.  We loved to sing with you and watch you get so passionate as you sang, “I will go, I will do the things the Lord commands!”

Your family drove out to California to visit us in July.  It was a super long trip but we were glad you made it safely to Hughson.  Your daddy had to fly back to TN to “make the money” but we had a campfire and made s’mores before he had to go home. The next day the rest of us celebrated the 4^th of July with a barbecue and fireworks.  The next 2 weeks were filled with all kinds of fun. You, Elijah, and Madelynn had fun playing in the swimming pool.  I can still hear you yell, “Cannonball” as you all made big splashes. You loved to play with the water table or eat lunch on the new picnic table you helped Grandpa assemble.  You rode your cars around the yard and dug in the dirt. You drew chalk pictures on the sidewalk.  One of my favorite memories was reading stories to you all. You also liked playing Candy Land Bingo with me.

We loved how much you could talk to us.  Some of your favorite phrases were:  “I hold it!”  “Wata.” “My turn. My turn!”  “I got it!”  “Star Wars!”

On Monday, July 11, 2016 we went to Manresa State Beach to celebrate my birthday.  It was a beautiful sunny day.  You loved the water and playing in the sand.  We had a great time together.

On July 14^th we also celebrated your Mom’s birthday with a Paw Patrol party.  You kids had started watching the TV show and loved the rescue dogs.  We decorated the house, Grandpa barbecued chicken for dinner, and then we played games.  We had to put the badge on Chase the Police dog.  We all laughed as we tried to do it blindfolded.  We had strawberry shortcake and your Mom blew out the candles.  Then she got to open her cards from all of us.

We decided we were having so much fun with all the summer birthdays that we had an early party for you too!  We played games, and had some more cake and you blew out your 2 candles!  We gave you one of your presents early and you really liked it…so did Elijah and Madelynn!  It was hard to share.  L  The horse was not meant to ride but we could not convince you of that.  You had fun trying!

It was time for your family to drive to Boise to visit some of your cousins but we made plans to meet you in Utah for your cousin, Kasette’s baby blessing.  While we were in Utah we got to go to Temple Square with you.  You loved seeing the statue of Christ in the Visitors’ Center.  You favorite thing to do was throw pennies in the fountain at the Seagull monument. 

On Sunday, July 24^th all of our family was together for Kasette’s blessing.  We were so glad that your Daddy had flown back so he could be in the blessing circle. Our last time together was a Monday morning breakfast at Ihop.  It’s always hard to say goodbye!  But we plan to come visit you in October.

We are so glad that you are part of our eternal family!  We love you forever and ever, dear Nolan!  Happy Birthday!

Love, Mimi, Grandpa, & Bryant

August 18, 

    2016