I am good! I am blessed! And I am strong!

The temple is a place I love. I love to go there. I love the spirit that is felt. I love my few minutes of absolute relief that I feel when I am there. No matter how down I may be at the time I fell great comfort in the temple.
I was able to go to the temple last night with my mom and two other sisters from the Jackson Ward. Two ladies from my branch were also there. I love it. Yesterday was an insane busy day for me, I had so much to do at work. Then to drive to Memphis I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I knew I was going to be tired by the time I got home to Jackson, it was 11pm (I know that is not too late but still) and also knew that I had to do my scripture reading for the day for my STOMP challenge. When I got home I pulled out my Book of Mormon and my reading list to see what I was suppose to read for the day only to see that I was a day ahead! How did this happen, I have no idea, I've felt behind since we started. I was grateful for this so I only read one chapter. That 15 minutes is a lot easier when you are tired compared to the hour or more it has been taking me. I'm trying hard to let the scriptures speak to me.
I have no reason in my life to feel so down and since I know that is Satan I want to only feel good. So I am going to feel good. I know before I said that I didn't know if I could keep faking it but guess what, I can and will. Because faking it is better than giving into the negative. Because I know a few things about myself that others don't realize! I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. I do deserve all that has been promised to the faithful saints. And I can endure to the end. My favorite scripture is Mosiah 2:41 and it says, " And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness. O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it".
I can do that. I can hold out faithful to the end regardless of what life throws at me. And another scripture I just discovered this week, 2 Nephi 9:18 "But, behold, the righteous, the saints of the Holy One of Israel, they who have believed in the Holy One of Israel, they who have endured the crosses of the world, and despised the shame of it, they shall inherit the kingdom of God, which was prepared for them from the foundation of the world, and their joy shall be full forever."
I love this, those who have endured the crosses of the world. I need to be better at enduring my own personal "crosses". I also need to remember that I can turn to the Lord and he will help me through it all.
Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea “Is there no balm in Gilead?” We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.- President Monson
I'm good! I am happy! I am blessed! And I am Strong!
The temple is a place of comfort and love. I am so thankful that I live close enough to go and partake of this. And I know if keep living worthy of these covenants that have been made I will be blessed.

Down? Me, Maybe. It's a possibility!

I think we are really hard on ourselves. I hear people say we are our own biggest critic but why can't we be our own biggest fan? I am definitely very self critical. I can find my faults faster than anyone. I know some of you think that I'm a very confident person and I can be but mostly this is a facade. I fake confidence and to be quite honest I'm a bit tired at this point so I don't know if I can keep it up.
I often say to myself, and sometimes out loud, so this is life? And yes I answer myself, yep this is it, and then proceed to give my self that little pep talk that I need at the moment. I always say, life is good, except for when it's not.
There are a lot of areas I can improve on. I need to be a better person! I'm working on it. But I can only do so much and I've just been feeling down. I know that all this self doubt is from Satan and is one of his biggest tools. He's constantly trying to make us feel inadequate and right now it's working. I was told yesterday at church that I looked empty. Then they quickly came back with, you always look happy and are smiling but your eyes look empty, like something is missing. And something is missing and I don't know how to fix it.
During my, little why do I feel inadequate, thoughts I realize that one thing I'm constantly down on myself for is my looks. I know I'm a pretty smart person and I'm living a righteous lifestyle but I just can't seem to like the way I look. I hate my size, my freckles, my smile, and other things. I feel like I'm healthy. I don't eat tons, I exercise, I make healthy decisions and yet I'm still fat. Yep, I said it, I feel fat! I don't want to be one those people obsessed with it but I kinda am. I read labels like it's no ones business. If I eat something I know I shouldn't I feel so guilty.
Why do we have such unhealthy relationships with our bodies? I partially blame men. Like last night I was at my friend Julie's apartment. Julie is a small girl, super thin. But her and her friend Morgan (a guy) were talking and they were talking about arm flab and then he was telling her she needs to gain a few pounds around her stomach/waist which could be taken away from her inner thighs?!?! I was thinking about this on the way home and I was like really, here I was sitting there probably weighing close to twice Julies weight and well, once again I realized I fall short. I've always had really thin friends. Candice and Lindsay are both thin. Then my current friends, Ernie and Julie and both thin.
So I've had this discussion with both Candice and my friend Laura. Laura use to be bigger but got sick and lost a lot of weight. I mean a lot, like 10+ sizes. It wasn't a healthy way to do it and she would gladly be big again instead of sick but still she's now thin. Laura got married this year. And it lead me to an even firmer conviction that men are shallow and weight matters a lot. Would Laura have gotten married if she was still fat? I know Candice and Laura both say it doesn't matter but maybe that's easy to say when you are a size 2. I will never be a size 2, ever and I don't want to be.
Anyways, I'm rambling, again. With this being said I have been really blessed in my life and I am very aware of this. I have had the gospel my entire life! I've been sealed to my family; and can't wait to spend eternity with them. I have pretty good health. I have a job that I enjoy and that pays enough to get me by. My friends are better than most people's and I have an abundance of them. So yes I am aware of my blessings.
I'm hoping with my STOMP, Sandra Taking On Moroni's Promise, I get this "miracle" that was promised. And I'm not looking for something huge. It's not like I think Mr. Hot, Rich, Successful will walk through the door and we will fall madly in love (though I'll take that too) but maybe my miracle will be peace and comfort. I'll take that!

Ramblings from the Middle of the Night

Guess I'm having a bit of insomnia and I really should go work it out or something instead of writing this. But writing is therapeutic for me.
I've been feeling a bit blah lately and I'm not really sure I know what the problem is. I kinda know what the problem is but I am just a little confused right now. Are you ever really happy for other people but at the same time sad for yourself.
This past weekend I went with my good friend Julie to Missouri to celebrate her grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. That is a big accomplishment and while I saw them out there dancing I was really happy, like I wanted to cry because it was so cute but then I started thinking about my own happy ever after.
I've been listening to a lot of music lately which I always find very therapeutic. Some of my favorites are actually the songs here on my blog. I guess music truly can help heal a person. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I've had a lot on my mind recently. I feel like I've lost a great friend recently and it has me a bit sad. And I'm not even sure why we aren't really friends. I guess we all get to choose in life who we are friends with and I guess you both have to choose to be friends with each other. Oh well, I know I should say, their loss but it's a loss for both of us.
I have a lot more I can say but since I am feeling like I have no filter right now I should stop. I'll write something sensible next week when I get back to my office. I think that is a good idea. I should try to get some sleep since I have to wake up early tomorrow. Oh the joys!

A few pics from Charity's Wedding

This is one of my favorites. It's all the bridesmaids and the nieces. So Cute!
Charity and that boy she decided to marry, Robert.

Yea that's right. We are working it for the camera! Beck, Me, Charity, Megan, and Morgan

Chloe for real loved Josh. She wouldn't even come to me. This picture makes me laugh. Chloe looks so freakin cute. Love that kid.

My Kind of Fun

I found a comic that I am in love with because this girl likes the same activities as I do! Kidding, well kinda kidding, okay, I'm not kidding at all. Don't judge! Not to mention I am currently DONE with men/boys/guys/whatever you want to call them.