Ugh

So, I've got 4 blogs I've started on that I need to finish. I've just been feeling a little off lately. I'll get back on it sooner or later. It's just crazy.....life. But since I have no real updates no one is missing out on anything.

What is Beauty?

I've been feeling quite unbeautiful lately. Not necessarily ugly just not beautiful or even cute for that matter. And it's made me start to wonder, what is beauty, and who gets to determine who is and is not beautiful.
Could it be said if we think we are beautiful then we are.

….for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart

A common ingredient in every beauty ideal is self-confidence.

The kind of beauty that really knocks people’s
Socks off, or makes them smile when they see
You, is the kind that comes from inside…

The kind that comes from someone
who is in control of her own destiny.

YOUR BEAUTY IS YOUR OWN.

So the next time you look in the mirror and your brain gets
Flooded with those inevitable unflattering thoughts and
comparisons and badness, try to take a step back
and acknowledge the whole crazy world of beauty and looks
obsession that makes you think that way. And then… maybe
you’ll see that you have the power to create your own look.

Discouraged

Life is hard......really hard. And everyday I wonder if I am doing the right thing, if I am on a worthwhile path that will lead me to future happiness. I am the type of person that analyzes a lot. Some would say I even over analyze, and they would be right. While doing my daily self evaluations I feel like I am constantly coming up short. And unfortunately it's not that I just feel this way but I am coming up short.

I don't really expect anyone to agree with me, to tell me heck yea you're a loser but at least hear me out. 2 reasons:

1: I am almost 29, I'm aware that this is not old, and still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I'm a horrible goal setter. Sometimes I set goals just to impress other people.

2: I am a little crazy...maybe a lot crazy. If you only knew the thoughts that go through my head. You might just commit me.

Why would I?

After talking to a friend on the phone who said he had no desire to get married, I was taken back. Who would not want to get married. That's just crazy. I thought about this a lot. While mowing the yard one day I decided to make a mental list of all the pros and cons so I could give them to him. I would prove to him that marriage is the ultimate goal. That it was desirable. So I thought a lot on why I would want to get married, besides the fact that it is an eternal principle. And crazily enough, I see my friends point a lot clearer now. My little "list" turned on me and I know see very few advantages to marriage.
I will list the advantages (besides the whole commandment thing):
1) I would have someone to father my children
2)Wouldn't have to worry who my roommate is.
Wow, that second one was a stretch. While my parents are still married and have been married for over 30 years, I do NOT want a marriage like theirs. And while I have brothers and sisters and friends who seem pretty happy being married, I just don't see why I would want this. Maybe we spend too much time dreaming about it as a kid so we automatically think we want it.
In the past, even 2 weeks ago, I would say security is a big reason. But I don't need someone else taking care of me. I worry a lot about my job security but I can go back to school and get another degree if I need to. Maybe people get married to get out of their parent's homes, I can move out anytime I want. I can always find another job. I can always change careers. I am in control of my future. And if I want stability, then I can have it. I don't need someone else's money.
So it is settled, I see no point in marriage. I have plenty of people in my life that fill any voids. And while I do want kids, I have my nieces and nephews. I have my friends kids. And if I ever feel a void in this area, I'll get a dog. I like this. I feel so refreshed.
I started a cleanse Sunday. I'm only eating whole foods, nothing processed or with preservatives. I'm cleansing. And maybe during the process I'll lose some weight. And if I do this time it's for me. Not because I feel like if I do whoever my current crush is will want to date me but I am doing it for ME.
And since I love to vacation I need to look better in my swimsuit. Sigh, life is HAPPY. All is right in the world today. Lie is good, life is happy, and life is beautiful and today I feel the same about me. I am good, I am happy, and I am beautiful.

Taking Risk

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

Love it and want to live by it. I'm not risk taker. And I'm not really sure that there are any risk out their for me to take right now. I am a planner. I need to know things ahead of time. Be able to have a plan, be prepared. I need to jump in and take more risk!