The most honest post

I don't post often but I feel like I have to write this, as writing has always been very therapeutic for me. So here goes the most honest post I could post today. 

Last week I took elijah in for his 3 year old well child visit. I had concerns going in about his general health and also about his speech. As I conveyed these concerns to the PA she looked at his chart and said, if he's been sick so often, why haven't you brought him in. I kindly told her I don't bring my children in for every cough, fever, or stomach issue because there is nothing that can be done when they are so young. Before she had the chance to tell me all is, I told her while I'm sure all is fine, I'd like them to do some bloodwork and rule things out. She then asked elijah to draw a circle for her. He refused and then she asked him to count some crayons she got out. He refused again. Elijah is painfully shy. And he doesn't really know how to express his shyness so it usually comes off as anger. It's not my favorite thing but I am aware it's because he's uncomfortable in situations. The PA said not only do we need to refer him out for speech therapy but also to an OT for his fine motor skills. She also said he was socially behind. I don't even know what that means. Side note: He can draw a circle and he can count. 

I'm not sure why it hit me so hard, but I suddenly have felt like a failure as a mother. Maybe I'm doing it all wrong. Maybe I was selfish to have kids so close together and it's made me not work with my kids as much. Maybe I'm lazy and tired and let them watch tv more than I should. So right now I'm just sad. And I don't know how to express it. And I'm not sure how to fix it all. 

I can understand 85% of what he says. I thought others could understand 50% but his church teacher yesterday said she can't understand a single work. I'm crushed.  

On top of that I'm fatter than I've ever been and while I want to lose weight I want to eat that damn cookie too because it taste good and makes me feel happy for the 3.5 seconds it takes to gobble it down. 

Well elijah just walked upstairs and asked why I'm crying. I said, because I'm not sure if I'm a good mommy and he said, you are a good mommy. Then he said he needs to eat. So I guess I'll stop the self loathing party and get back to my job. 

But I do have a goal this year to stop comparing myself and my kids to others. And if you are someone who always compared I'll be limiting my time around you. Isn't one of satans greatest tools is making us feel unsure of ourselves. Well, off to make lunch. 

Dear Elijah

Well you are 3 years old now. The time really does pass quickly! Currently you are quite the handful. You like to push people's buttons and see if you can get away with it. You are quick to apologize (mostly to avoid time outs). You are also very sweet. Some of my favorite things you say to me are, "Mommy, are you proud of me?" and "Mommy, I love you." You melt me.
You love to have someone tuck you in at night. You always say prayer first then you ask one of us to say it while we hold hands. Then you request us to sing, "child of God" followed by "I'm so glad when daddy comes home". You want us to stay in there all night but we can't. And every morning when you wake up your request your chocolate milk. You always want to snuggle while you drink it. You are also currently very interested in helping me cook your breakfast.
You are a very good big brother. You love trying to help take care of Nolan. You even let him have your blanky when he starts to cry. You fight with Maddie a lot but she's also your best friend. If you can't see her you become concerned and ask, where did Maddie go. You love to sing to Nolan and we hear you singing, "Nolan, Nolan, mommy loves you, and daddy does too, and Elijah and Nana and Mimi (and others depending on day) and we are going to take good care of you." It's pretty cute; you are pretty cute! You love pointing out that I am your mother and daddy is your father.
I am so proud of you and I love being your mommy. I'm still learning and you are too. You have a very kind heart. When I cry you will come over and say, "Mommy are you sad, you go to the hospital" and you rub my back. You also love to make people laugh. You are quite the comedian. You are very leary of strangers and aren't very nice if they try to talk to you. I have to constantly remind you not to growl at them and to be nice. You are a momma's boy!
I constantly worry about you. I want you to be a happy kid and I hope you are, you seem to be. You have brought me more joy then I ever thought possible. Being your mom is one of the best parts of my life. I love you to the moon and back times infinity. I look forward to all the years ahead of us.
Love, Mommy

Adamson visit/Gatlinburg

We are truly blessed to have family that makes the effort to visit even though it's not easy. This time only Mom and Dad Adamson were able to come for the week but we had so much fun. We jam packed everything into their short visit. They arrived on Saturday, November 22, and went straight to my parents house for Thanksgiving. They were pretty brave because all the extended family was there as well. Elijah was so excited to see them that he ran to greet them! Just a few short hours later we blessed Nolan, he got his own blessing post, and then immediately after we celebrated Elijah's 3rd birthday. He wanted a rocketship party and I tried my best to make it happen. The party was orginally suppose to be at our house but plans changed and so here it is. He got lots of fun presents and loved opening them this year. Mimi and grandpa got him Bucky (jake's pirate ship) and some other Jake stuff. Nana and papa got him a batmobile. Farrell's got him a cup and a ninja turtle. Dilgard's got him a ninja turtle. Eaton's (James and Kara) got him a razor scooter. Stubb's got him a rocket blaster. Julie got him a train whistle, conductor hat, and book. Papaw, Bryant, and Grandma Janopaul gave cards with money. Raab's got him a truck. Kristin and Chrystal got him a toy. He was a very lucky boy!

 Party set up.

Elijah blowing out the candles.

The next day was Sunday and was stake conference. Since it is 2 hours away and way hard for the kids we stayed home. We decorated for Christmas and relaxed.

 Elijah and Maddie "helping" daddy

Maddie really wanted to eat the popcorn (that I strung last year!)

 

Our elf, Candy Cane, made her appearance

We decided we would celebrate Christmas on Friday with the Adamsons before they left to go home. The kids were super excited to have the tree up.

Monday, Brent worked and the rest of us hung out. Elijah convinced Mimi and Grandpa to go to Walmart. Of course the kids got even more surprises that day. Then he convinced them to go to chips and cheese at his favorite Mexican restaurant. That boy! When we got home from all that I started getting ready for my hot date with my very charming husband! We were more than a little giddy to have a date night. It was an absolutely perfect evening. Until in the middle of the night Elijah woke up throwing up!

On Tuesday Brent had to work until 2 and the rest of us busily got ready for our trip. We were leaving to go to Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge as soon as Brent got off. It always frustrates me that Elijah seems to get sick when we have fun things planned. He did throw up in the car on the way there. And on the way back Thursday. And then he had diarrhea the in between days. We went  straight to our hotel on Tuesday and just hung out and went to bed. On Wednesday we woke up and went to the Ripley's believe it or not Aquarium. The kids loved it and the adults liked it too. It's a pretty great aquarium for kids. The hardest part was keeping up with Maddie who currently loves to run off! That girl!

After the aquarium we attempted to walk around Gatlinburg but it didn't happen. Instead we drove up the mountains to give the kids an opportunity to nap. We went back to the hotel to regroup and decided to have an early dinner at the Ole Mill. It was delicious and there was so much food. We will definitely be going back! After we went and looked at lights and Mimi bought the kids a toy from the toy store. She's a sucker for a cute kid! The lights were awesome! The kids were pretty exhausted. We went back and they all fell asleep quickly.

Thursday was Thanksgiving and I hadn't thought that a lot of places would be closed! But it was still a great day. We started by going to The Inn at Christmas Place. It's my favorite place to stay. I tried getting us a room there but they were booked months and months ahead of time.

 Proud Grandparents

 Can you tell that Maddie is a little pistol

 Everyone is all smiles here.

After we left there we went to the Hollywood wax museum. We all really enjoyed it. Hanging out with our favorite celebs.

 You'll see there is probably a kid in every picture ruining it but we wouldn't trade them.

 Nacho Libra

 My heart will go on and on

 All the single ladies

 Grandpa and one of his icons.

 Life, and kids, are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

 Brent blocking and if you look Elijah is on the bench in the back.

 Maddie has her Charlie's Angels face on. Kick.

My big strong sexy husband. 

When we finished there we went over to a mirror maze. I wasn't sure if I would really like it or not. But I did! I thought it was a lot of fun! Well all except the part where Maddie escaped us and we saw like 7 of her and who knew which one was real! Mild panic attack for this momma. But we found her. 

Our big plans for the day was the Dixie Stampede. I was a little nervous that people wouldn't like it as much as I had and would think what a waste. Lucky for me they loved it as much as I always have! There weren't any pictures allowed but we all had a good time. As a mother I've learned one of my favorite things is seeing the sheer joy on my children's faces. And with both Maddie and Elijah there were moments during it that I saw it. When the show ended it was time to go home. It was an exciting trip but all good things must come to an end. 

Friday we celebrated Christmas. Elijah thought he should be able to open everyone's gifts! That little booger!

We were so sad to see them leave on Saturday and I was even more sad on Monday when I was home alone with the kids again.

Nolan's blessing

 Our Father in Heaven, by the authority of the holy Melchizedek priesthood, we lay this infant in our arms, to give him a name and a blessing. And the name in which he will be known in this life and upon the records of the church is Nolan LeGrand Adamson. Nolan at this time we'd like to give you a blessing.Nolan, you have been blessed to be born at this time where a great work lies ahead of you. You were blessed to be born in the gospel and our Saviors church. We bless you with the strong desire to learn all you can of the gospel truths in this life that you may be an instrument in the Lord's hands. That through you he will be able to bless others. We bless you with the strong desire to serve your fellow man. That you will one day serve a mission and teach others and bring others unto Christ. We bless you that you may have a desire to go to the temple, to receive the special blessings for yourself and to do the work for your ancestors and for others, that can only be done in the temple. We bless you that you may seek to be married in the temple for time and all eternity that you may start and eternal family. Nolan, I bless you to know that you are truly loved by Heavenly Father and your earthly parents. That you have a kind and gentle soul. That you will be a peacemaker in your family and to others. That you will follow the example of Christ our Savior the ultimate example of being a peacemaker. We bless you with these things and all other things our Heavenly Father sees fit in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Our sweet boy. He is such a blessing.

 

 Our Crazy little Family

 

The men in the circle

Us and our parents. We are so blessed.

November 24

Happy 4 years to us!

The time is flying by, I guess that's what happens when you're in love. I must admit, I still really like Brent, like a whole lot. I still get butterflies when he kisses me! And I love, I mean I absolutely love that he's all mine for eternity. 

He is my favorite part of everyday!  I'm so grateful that we found each other. That we are able to have each other to love and live with forever. Brent is an amazing man and I am a blessed woman. 

This year we lucked out and Brent's parents were in town and let us go out for the night. We went to a yummy sushi place called jasmines in murray, ky and then went to see The Hunger Games: Mockingjay part 1. It was a fantastic night.