Park time

Brent and I love going for walks and we usually go to Shelby farms. I want our kids to love being active. Today was kinda cold so we couldn't stay too long but the 2 miles we did do was nice. I love my boys.

Life as I know it

I, like every other woman I know, have recently read an article called Your Children Want You. I loved it. I know I don’t have children, only a child, and I also know he isn’t old enough to care about any of my imperfections yet but I still appreciated this article very much. I unfortunately compare myself to others far too often. I think things like, wow so and so has 3 kids and her house is always perfect or so and so always looks so amazing and I barely managed a ponytail. There are days when I don’t get dressed, I know my hair is a mess, I don’t accomplish one thing besides caring for Elijah and by the end of the day I’m spent. There is more than likely a load of laundry in the wash and one in the dryer, the dishwasher needs to be unloaded, the floor could use a good vacuuming, the dust is building up and I accomplished nothing. I think to myself. Why did I do nothing all day? How do all the other women do so much? Why can’t I be a “SUPERMOM” too.

And here is the big secret, I shouldn’t admit it but I am going to anyways. I judged other women before I became a mother. Oh my goodness, so and so is feeding her kids ice cream before dinner and so and so kids always have a dirty face. Luckily I never judged how the mother looked. And in all honesty I still catch myself judging others but I’m trying hard not to. Before I had kids, I knew I was going to be an awesome mom. Hello, I’ve had tons of practice with all the kids I have babysat and all of my nieces and nephews. I read a lot of parenting books, I know/knew what the experts had said, dangit, I was ready. Then Elijah came! He was unlike any baby I had taken care of. He was inconsolable. He was a hard baby……but craziest of all, he was mine. He was given to me and Brent to take care of. Holy Hannah, we had a kid. And when he was screaming and inconsolable, he was ours to take care of. There was no handing him back to another set of parents. Sheesh, it was hard business and he was a hard baby.

Lucky for us now, he was become a lot more delightful. He still has a very strong will but we can handle it. I’ll probably never be a supermom, but what I will be is the best mother I know how to be for my son and all other future little Adamson babies. I will love them with all my being. I will play with them, teach them, and even keep their little faces clean J. And hopefully between all of this I will be able to keep on top of the laundry, we’ll at least have enough clean dishes to eat off of, the car will at least have enough space to sit in and maybe just maybe the floors will get vacuumed. I’m glad I’m coming to the realization that my baby wants me not my supermom neighbor. He doesn’t care if I have lots of extra fluff, he only cares that I am healthy and can play with him.

And on that note, I don’t care if I’m extra fluffy either. Because as long as I’m healthy enough to play with Elijah that is all that matters. I’m next to positive that Heavenly Father won’t have me step on a scale before letting me enter the Celestial Kingdom. And that is my goal, because I can’t stand the thought of not spending eternity with Brent and Elijah. I’d be too sad without them. So I’m going to be me. The best version I know how to be.

And if I find the time to do some supermom stuff, I will. But if not, you’ll find me on the floor with my sweet son soaking in all the smiles and laughs I can, because as I’ve been told a million times, they don’t stay small forever. And if people come over I won’t apologize because I didn’t have time to dust or whatever, I’ll welcome them in and hope they aren’t judging me or comparing me. But if they are, I hope it makes them feel good about what kind of parent they are.

I’ve been blessed! I know that I have. I’m grateful for it every day. Motherhood is the hardest role I’ve taken on yet. Being responsible for another person is an amazing calling. It causes a lot of extra stress. I’m way more tired which leads to grumpiness which leads to tears. I have a husband that loves me even when by the time he gets home for the day, I haven’t gotten dressed, I’ve accomplished nothing, dinner is burnt, the baby is crying, I am crying, and the apartment is less than presentable. How could I ask for more.

Realization

Well first of all, I still can't get on blogger from my computer. This is the reason there aren't many blog post and no updated pictures.
Now to the real blog. While I was driving to the gym last night I was thinking about being a mom and my last blog post and feeling bad about the weight. Then it hit me, a few years ago I'm pretty sure I would have given anything, I mean anything, to have the opportunity to be a mother. So no more complaining about it. If I only had to "give" 50 pounds then it'll be all good.
Brent was glad for this realization because I was just about convinced we were done having kids and he could just go ahead and get a vasectomy. Gotta love a man that loved you no matter what. And I do love love love that man.
I wish I knew what was wrong with blogger so I could do a picture update. He's grown so much.

The honest truth

I'm a relatively happy person. I have a truly blessed life. But here recently I've been having a hard time. I was on the phone with Nae and she said something about coming to love on my fat baby and I about lost it. I never want anyone to call any of my babies fat. After we hung up I realized I know my baby is chunky but I wasn't crying because of that but because I'm fat.
I gained 80 pounds while being pregnant with Elijah. And know while I say this I wouldn't change having Elijah. He truly is a blessing in my life. I gained 20 before getting pregnant so I put on a total of 100 pounds. I've gotten 45 off but leaves me with 55 pounds to go! That's a lot of weight. I work out 6 days a week for at least 45 minutes. I count calories and never go over. This post pregnancy thing has taken a major hit on my self esteem.
I have no clothes that fit and I refuse to even try clothes on because I'm afraid of what the size will be. But at some point I will need clothes to wear. I'm embarrassed for people to see me.
And something else that kind of ticks me off is when family tells other people who have just had a baby how great they look when they never once have said it to you. I know this all sounds like a whoa unto me blog but it's not. I'm really happy with the other aspects of my life. I am happily married. I love having Elijah as my son. Some day in the near future we'll have a job and will be able to buy a home. I have a blessed life. I'm just struggling. Brent has never been mean about it. He swears he can't tell, men!?!?!, but I feel so much less attractive. So, I have this constant battle with myself about more children. I want more babies, lots of babies, but I also don't want to destroy my body over and over and over.
Anyways, just having one of those days.....or one of those months/years.

Priesthood Power

I am truly grateful to have the priesthood in our home. Elijah has been a pretty sick baby (who would have thought since big babies are suppose to be healthy babies). Last night when I got home from the gym Brent was standing in the kitchen holding him. I looked at them and asked what is he doing awake. It was 9pm. Brent said he, Elijah, had been having shallow rapid breathes and wheezing. He was breathing about 80 per minute. I told Brent we could take him in but first we needed a Priesthood blessing. Brent didn't have any consecrated oil so we called James and he headed over.
Elijah received a blessing and I have no doubt it helped. His breathing almost instantly slowed. We debated on whether we should even take him in since the only place to go was the emergency room. We decided to take him, better safe than sorry. He was so good the entire time. He is usually very cranky if awake over 2 hours. He was awake a total of 6 hours and was pleasant the entire time. He didn't like it when they took his blood pressure. But he quickly calmed. He especially didn't like it when they stuck about 6 inches of tube in his nose to suction it out. That was heartbreaking but other than that he stayed completely calm. They thought he'd scream when they took his temp rectally, I thought he'd scream when they put the mask on. Or when they ripped the tape off. But he didn't. He was even smiling a lot. The priesthood is amazing. I hope our little guy gets to feeling better soon. It is so sad to see him feel so bad. With double ear infections, RSV, and an inguinal hernia, he's had a rough few weeks.

*on another note, blogger won't work from my computer only my iPod. It stinks and makes me not want to blog. But I have a lot to catch up on. One being our Adamson family visit.