Mowing, Fishing, and Life in General

Well, my life is somewhat sad/stressed recently. And I'm not just referring to Ben. I'm referring to the fact that 2 of my best friends in Jackson are moving away within a very short period. Amy is leaving me by the end of the month. I know she's family, so she has to keep in touch but I love her so much. And of course I'm going to miss the whole family. I've always looked up to Mike and the kids, well they are the cutest, kindest, most precious kids ever. I am very partial to my neices and nephews.
Then Nina, who I love dearly is moving to Boston with her family. She has been such a good friend. On Monday she had to cancel our walk, we do this after work each day, and that night she brought over ice cream (like I need ice cream), movies, chocolate, and a great book. That is a good friend for you. She has 2 kids, a husband, and still took the time to drive 35 minutes for me. She's not family, but I'm sure we will keep in touch anyways.
And ofcourse I'm still sad about my stupid shoe on Sunday and other such things that life throws at you. But I've decided if I act like I am happy, people will believe that I am happy and in return in the process I will believe it too. Once I believe it, it becomes reality. I'm pretty sure I read this about confidence on another person's blog. Confidence begets confidence and it's true with happiness too.
Well this has not been about fishing or mowing at all. I just have a lot to say I guess. Yesterday after my walk with Nina I went to mom and dad's where I decided I would mow for a while. I really really really love mowing. I usually mow with my Ipod in but Michael has it right now so lately I have been able to just be lost in my thoughts. Maybe a bit dangerous but mostly good. Because I am truly blessed. I am reading a book right now (thanks Nina) called Better than you think you are. I only started it Monday but it's a great book and has already had a positive impact on me.
While I was mowing Michael and Amy planted flowers at mom and dads. That is what I wanted to give mom for mothers day. They look great. I'm glad they got done yesterday. Anyways, they finished that at around the same time I finished mowing. I was mostly ready for a shower but they convinced me to go fishing with them. I thought I would go and watch but in the end I fished too. I got to use Sydney's barbie fishing pole. Everyone fished with the exception of daddy who just baited the hooks for us and watched. It was a lot of fun! Sydney caught the first fish of the night. I may have caught the smallest (but did catch a larger one later). It was relaxing and reminded me how good life truly is. The pictures are rough. I did just mow for an hour. That's the way Michael rode back to the house. So funny. It's also funny how Sydney loves worms. I don't even touch them but she has no problem picking them up. Makes me laugh. And like I said, no judging on how rough anyone in the pictures look. Seriously, I had mowed the yard, no make-up. Whatev. This is my life. And I enjoy it most of the time. Too bad Michael and his family are moving. :(
Oh, one more thing. One of my biggest fears is a snake being in my toilet, me not knowing, and it biting my bum. Before I sit down I always look down to make sure there is no snake. I know it's a little weird but still. Guess what, it happened to some one. http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090511/od_nm/us_snake_odd;_ylt=As_74ILOG_ogypZoZgVpD33tiBIF

Bring on the Rain

In life when it rains it pours, lucky for me I have an umbrella! Yesterday was what you would call a day that just plain sucked! It started off with me getting to church early, I try to do this every Sunday to go over my lesson one more time, and when I walked in the door the strap to a pair of my favorite shoes broke. I had to leave to go to Nae's to get another pair of shoes. On my way there I get pulled over but after holding up my shoe and crying the officer had some mercy and let me go. While stopped at a red light one of those men why sell newspapers on the side of the road knocked on my window and scared me half to death. Then on my way back to the church a prostitute walked out in front of me and did some crazy provocative movement then winked at me. Yes, the day was starting off just bad.

To back track a little. This past week while Ben was in Denver I had a very uneasy feeling. I rarely talked to him and when I did I felt as if it was really guarded. But nonetheless, I was so excited for him to get back to TN. I knew he wasn't excited, but I so was. Anyways, when I picked him up from the airport things were a little strange but we all have off nights. That night he treated me more as a friend but like I said we all have off nights. I actually figured he was going to break up with me by the end of the night. He didn't and I felt as if I was being over analytical and too much a girl.

I've already said the way my Sunday started. He still sat with me at church and once again I felt as if the night before I was just being a little crazy and off. I was so wrong! After church I get a phone call and long story short, he broke up with me! So yea, it sucks but you can't change it so whatev. He apologized for hurting me and all I was sorry about was that I let myself care so much. I've always been better at keeping myself more guarded and finally decided to open up only to be hurt. I still feel as if he is one of the best guys I know. He has so many good qualities that I appreciate. I have nothing bad to say about him. I'm not mad or upset with him, only with myself for not being able to be what he wanted/needed. When I asked him why, because I feel as if I need to know, he said something to the effect because we are so different. Strangely some of those differences are what made me like him so much. It came with little warning but you can't make someone feel the way you want them to. And I really still want to be his friend, because even if I can't have him in my life the way I want, I want him in my life. I wanted to call him like umpteen times last night, not because he broke up with me, because I care about what he has to say about situations. I had to remind myself that he's the one that caused this one and really couldn't give me any answers.

I guess I should say I'm lucky to have been able to have the experience. Isn't that what life is all about. I'll be more careful the next time around. It's strange after my last relationship ended I promised myself I would be more careful and I was. I said I wouldn't date again until I found someone incredible and I didn't date again until I found that. I thought I went about it all right, yet in the end it just makes it hurt worse. It sucks when you find out you are not good enough for someone.

Anyways, like I said, I'm lucky to have had the experience!

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."--Mother Teresa

I love love love it!

What in the world could I be talking about that I love love love. Hmmmm, should I leave you all guessing or should I just say it? Kidding, because it's no big deal but I love life.

I need to let everyone know what I'm grateful for, because I am one blessed chica!

1. My incredible family. They drive me crazy sometimes and don't always agree with me but I love them to pieces! I know you all think that your families are the best but mine seriously wins!

2. The gospel. I've been thinking about how lucky I am lately to have this in my life and that I was able to be sealed to my family at such a young age. I love how it's called the Plan of Happiness. We are suppose to be happy and this makes me happy! I love that I have the knowledge that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me. What a great blessing. I won't go on but I am truly grateful for this. I also love the priesthood. It was not too long ago that my father was able to give me a blessing. It is so amazing! I love love love it.

3. Friends, old and new. I have friends that I have been friends with as long as I can remember, how many people actually have these friends. I also have new friends in my life. I am not sure if these people are here permanently or just seasonally but I'm grateful they are here for now. I love that sometimes people are put in our lives at just the right time and they stay until you learn from each other and then they move on. This is sometimes sad but as long as we are learning.

4. Education. I love that I have had the opportunity to pursue an education. It was some of those seasonal people from #3 that encouraged me to do graduate school and to them I will forever be grateful. I love that I have my graduate degree and if I want to go back to school I totally can.

5. That I am debt free. I don't know a lot of people who can say this. This was very important to me and I worked hard to pay off my school loans quickly and also to pay cash for my car. I'm glad that I found a job soon after I graduated college so that I could pay it all off.

6. Modern technology. I can talk to my friends/family even though they are so very far from me with just a phone call. How awesome is that. We also have awesome transportation etc. Way convenient!

I think that too often we get so caught up in our lives that we forget to be thankful. I have a book that I write in of things that I am grateful for at different points in life. It includes specific people, events, etc. So when you are start feeling down just write down everything you are grateful for. It will for sure make you smile and reflect on the good that is in your life.

*Just to say, I'm glad that Saturday is almost here. That is something to be grateful for. Ben comes back from Colorado and I am super happy to see him. It's amazing how much you can miss people!

Stumbling on a blog

Sometimes when I should be working but I get distracted I start to blog hop! I know I shouldn't but I love to read about other peoples lives. There are some peoples blogs that I read so regularly that if I ever met them in person I would feel like we are already friends. I don't know if anyone else does this but I do and I happened upon this one. I really enjoy it and the guy who wrote it has a lot of great post. Anyways, I wanted to share it with each of you. It was exactly what I needed to read today! Oh and before we get to it, I also stumbled on some peoples that just went hiking in Zion's National Park at Angels Landing. I'm adding it to my bucket list. I want to hike it. So if anyone is interested let me know!
I don't know how many of you have read "The Currant Bush" by Hugh B. Brown, but I read it recently and it really touched my heart. You can find the whole thing on the church's website and you can look up "The Currant Bush" by Hugh B. Brown in the Jan. 1973 New Era on page 14. Anyways, in the article, he talks about how he was pruning the currant bush and he thought he saw tears coming from it and said, "What are you crying about?" You know, I thought I heard that currant bush talk. And I thought I heard it say this: "How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. I was almost as big as the shade tree and the fruit tree that are inside the fence, and now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me, because I didn't make what I should have made. How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here." That's what I thought I heard the currant bush say, and I thought it so much that I answered. I said, "Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn't intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and some day, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, 'Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down, for caring enough about me to hurt me. Thank you, Mr. Gardener.'"
I just feel like as things have been going in my life recently, "The Gardener" has been telling me that I'm not supposed to be a shade tree or something else, but that He knows what He's making me into and that I just need to have patience and not resist what He's making me into. I know like it says above that someday when I am laden with fruit, I will say, "Thank you Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down (humble me), for caring enough about me to hurt me. Thank you Mr. Gardener."

Laura's Wedding Weekend

I'll be quite honest, I use to think weddings were way overrated and when thinking of mine I would imagine eloping (in the temple) somewhere and skipping all the festivities. I changed my mind! I want it all. But this isn't about me, this is about me getting to go to one of my best friends wedding, Laura.

Laura and I have known each other since we were teenagers and I can't imagine me and her not being friends. We roomed together our freshman year of college and then again when we went to Weber State. We have had a lot of good times together and a few not so great. It's crazy that she got married because she was more anti-marriage then anyone I had ever met. She wasn't the type of girl to swoon over any guy and living near her always rubbed off on me. But she would still listen to my girly swooning when needed! She is seriously the friend everyone needs and deserves.

She met her husband this past January at church while he was trying to hit on the girl sitting next to her. But I guess he couldn't resist her wittiness and charm because just 4 months later they were married. When she called to tell me she was dating someone and in the same phone call said she loved him and that she was going to marry this boy I was shocked. She never really liked girls like that and she became one. And she knew it.

I arrived in Spokane, Wa, Thursday night after a long day of traveling! Laura picked me up and we drove to her parents house in Coeur d'alene, Id. (For the record this part of the US is gorgeous and I loved loved loved it!) I was so tired that night but still stayed up until way to late in the night talking to Laura, we had a lot to talk about. It's funny how I talk to her just about every week on the phone but because I hadn't seen her since last July we had so much to say.

Friday we ran errands for the wedding. I didn't care what we did as long as I was with Laura. That was my only job the entire time that I was there, to stay with Laura. If she needed to vent, I listened, whatever she needed, I was there. In my book, she was right about everything! That evening Rick came over to eat with the family. I loved him, instantly. He is such an easy going guy. We sat around and talked for a while and I was so excited Laura found such a great guy. Around midnight Charity arrived at the Calkins home. Yay, my baby sister!

Saturday (the big day), we woke up and went to get Laura's hair done. Me and Charity went with her. Laura hated it and we immediately rushed home, washed her hair, and Charity redid it for her. I gave Laura a little foot massage during this to try to calm the stress. I'm telling you I was there to make her happy. She left for the temple and Charity and I frantically got ready to go, I was planning on pulling my hair back but there was no time. We went to the temple where I was able to see Laura and Rick sealed. It was so beautiful and I actually cried. I cried a lot this weekend. I was so happy for her! *As a side note, for some reason when I'm around Laura I am a lot more emotional of a person. When we lived together I would cry during every movie. Then when I moved to TN I stopped being so emotional. Laura never believed me when I said I didn't cry any more. Maybe she still doesn't because when we get back together I become emotional again. In my defense I wasn't emotional when we met in NYC, DC, or Seattle.*

We went to the luncheon after the wedding and then Laura, Charity, and I went to the mall! That's right, Laura left and went to the mall. We had some stuff to pick up. I love her for this. She is such an awesome girl. We found what we needed and headed back to the church. We redid hair and make-up, more pictures, then the reception. We did some dancing, ate some food, and had a great time. Rick even came over and sat with me a few times and chatted. I love this guy. He makes me laugh. For the record, I do not have a crush on Laura's husband, I am just saying he is perfect for her! And if she is one of my BFFs then I need to love her husband! During the bouquet toss I lost my footing and fell. I have some major carpet burn on my knee. Charity caught be bouquet which is perfectly appropiate since she will be the next one married. Unless, Becky pulls a Laura on us! Go Beck Go.

Anyways, the weekend exhausted me but it was well worth it. I loved being able to share in this with Laura. She is a beautiful person inside and out and deserves the best life has to offer.