Bliss

There are times when I'm so sleepy during the day all I can think about is crawling in to my bed and staying there forever. And all I can think is, as soon as Brent walks in the door I'm going to bed immediately. Then he gets home and we talk, we both play with the boy, we eat dinner, Brent gives the boy a bath, we put him to bed. At this time, it's only 7pm. I think to myself. I should really go to bed, I'm exhausted. What if the boy has a rough night, what if I can't sleep, I better just go ahead and go. Then 4 hours later, I usually go to bed. The point is, I love after the boy is in bed. I love those few hours I have with Brent and/or just to myself. How we can snuggle on the couch or in bed and watch a show. How we dream big. Some nights we watch videos we have of Elijah and laugh and coo over our little boy.
I try to be completely real about my emotions and about motherhood. I don't believe in saying it's always great and always blissful. There are days I would trade it, there are days that I am determined to call and set Brent up for a vasectomy, days were I swear we aren't having more kids. But in all honesty, I love being a mother to my very own little head strong boy. I love when he smiles at me, when he snuggles in to me, when I know that out of all the people in the world he still prefers me. Me, his imperfect, not always patient, woman who cries with him, sometimes disastrous mom. Because I am just that, his mom. And I love that boy.
I know that life will change again when Madelynn gets here. My world will be rocked for a 3rd time. There will be more days that I feel like I might go crazy. Days where Brent is one step closer to the urologist office but for the most part, I think we will survive. I can wait for her to get here. I'm not in a huge rush. But I look forward to snuggling her too. But for now, when I'm having a bad day, I'll look at that cute boy and be grateful. Then I'll remember after I put him to bed, I get me time.