I read this article a few days ago and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Because I have become the mom that would rather stay behind the camera. I keep thinking that I don't want my "mom" body ever captured on camera. I hate the thought of my butt, hips, arms being immortalized in a picture. Pictures last forever.But then I read this article and starting to think about the pictures I have with my mom when I was young. Not once have I looked at those pictures and judged her looks (maybe her hair or clothes but hey, it was the 80's). To me I look at the picture and remember the moment/memory it captured. How lucky I was that she let me do this or that she did that.
So it's a new goal of mine. I am going to refuse to hide behind the camera. I will be in pictures with my children. I will even try not to look at them and squirm with discomfort. I will remember that I am a big part of their lives and that they will love me unconditionally. I will make memories and document them with the camera. I will try to stop criticizing myself and become a better friend to me.
I don't know if it is this pregnancy or what but I have been having lots of body image issues. I don't like my outer self very much right now. It's a hard struggle. I always thought that once I got married I wouldn't care as much. I could enjoy the ice cream without all the guilt. I think that is less true than ever before. I know Brent really isn't bothered by it. But I really have been. I keep thinking I should have gotten the 1st pregnancy weight off before getting pregnant with number 2. I wish I wouldn't have gained so much during my pregnancy. Or whatever it is. I put on clothes only to take them immediately off. I'm not sure why as women we are so hard on ourselves. I listen to Amy, Charity, Kara saying they need to lose weight. And then here I am, really needing to lose weight. Anyways, just wanted to share what has been on my mind lately.
2 comments:
I understand the body image problem. I think part of why I'm blessed not to have physical sickness during pregnancy is because for 9 months I struggle every day with body image problems. I know and tell myself that I'm beautiful and my body is growing another human and that's freaking amazing. But the fact is, it's all BS in my brain and I cry every day about how fat I look and how large I'm becoming and how I can't reach my toes or how I bump into things. It is terrible. It is a gloomy dark shadow that hangs over every pregnancy and makes me dread the thought of having another. And then after Cody it nagged me especially longer because now things are permanently different. My hips have more padding no amount of running has gotten off. My belly has a pouch because it stretched to hold kids twice. I read articles about women who have come to embrace their post baby bodies and I envy them.
So I'll tell you you're beautiful because you are. And I'll tell you that your body is perfectly made and doing exactly what it needs to do to grow that sweet baby girl. And I hope that the voice in your head starts telling you those things too.
Good luck. I love you!
Mom's hair was a mess. Wonder what Eli and Little Boo will say about your hair!
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